Merry Christmas!

I hope this Christmas day finds you in good health and spirit. I've been spending the day with my family. It's our tradition to get up early, open presents and then take a nap. Well, this year, we changed it a bit. We went to see Dream Girls this morning. In a word, the movie was -- AWESOME. Sitting between my close friends and surrounded by family, I couldn't have been happier.

Everything they've been saying about Jennifer Hudson is true. She was terrific. Some people might be surprised to find out that Beyonce's role is really not that robust. But, that's the nature of the story. She was as good as she could be with such a limited speaking part. And yes, when Jennifer sang THAT SONG she rocked it! The crowd clapped. My best friend had to hand me a tissue, because I got a little misted. :-) Her performance was so passionate and heartbreaking and poignant.

Beyonce's song, Listen was really good too. But, since we didn't get to see as much of the relationship between her and Curtis/Jamie it didn't have the same impact as THAT SONG. Anyway, I would suggest you check out the movie. Oh and did I mention James THUNDER Early? Eddie was soo good in that role. Go see it.

Holla

Being A Black Man

If you haven't been following this series in the Washington Post, here's a link.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/metro/interactives/blackmen/blackmen.html?jump=incarceration

About the series

The Washington Post has periodically throughout the year featured stories on what
what it means to be a Black Man in America. Alot of the articles are quite interesting.
Some might make you mad. But, that's good, at least you're feeling something.

Holla

Stuck in My Mind

It usually takes me a while to process a thing. To that end, a concept or phrase may get stuck in my mind and sometimes it takes me a while to figure out why I can't just swallow it. Usually, it's because the phrase or concept frames something I've encountered or it could be the perfect rejoinder to something I've been told.

Lately, I've been chewing on this...

"You can't con an honest man."

This was spoken by Mickey on one of my favorite shows, Hustle. It comes on AMC. It's a great show about a group of con artists in the UK. They're smart and cunning. Mickey spoke these words when they were about to hustle a man out of a boat load of money. Part of the con was tricking the man into thinking he was participating in a very lucrative but, technically illegal, investment deal. They told the man that the deal was technically illegal, but blinded by the $$ he said that he didn't care and agreed to give them his dough. Of course, he got got. But, 'you can't con an honest man'.

I thought that was so simple, but profound and true. How many times have we tried to get over or beat the system and ended up getting got instead? And how many times have you seen someone try to get over, get got and then have the nerve to get mad about it? You've just got to chalk that up to the game. You just played and lost.

For whatever reason, that's resonating with me lately. Maybe now that I've written about it, I'll figure out why soon.

Holla

Monday Monday

How's everybody doing today? I'm chillin. I'm taking next week off, so, you can imagine how much work I'm actually getting done this week. Can you believe the weather. I know it's global warming and that's sooo not a good thing, but, this weather sure is great! Speaking of global warming, have you checked out that Al Gore movie, An Inconvenient Truth. It's very interesting and informative. Check it out when you get a chance.

I have not finished my holiday shopping yet. I still have a few more people to get gifts for. I did exchange gifts with one of my friends already. She took me indoor rockclimbing. You see, I told everyone that instead of presents this year, I wanted activities. So, this was my first Christmas activity. I hadn't been in about a year. It was fun and I felt more fearless this time than I did in the past. I mean, I still looked like a scared cat, stuck to the wall. But, at least I made it high enough up the wall to reach the top. We went to a place called Earth Treks, in Rockville. We used to go to the one in Columbia, but, Rockville is soo much bigger. I'm not even that sore today. You will definately work muscles that don't usually see much action. Just remember that it's all in your legs. Push, don't pull. That'll make sense once you're on the wall.

It's a great activity, even for little people. So, try it one day and let me know how you liked it.

Well, that's all I've got for now. I'll try to touch base again this week.

Have a great day.

Holla

The Obama Question

I've been sitting here reading all of the press on Barack Obama's recent visit to New Hampshire, a key election state. Many people are suggesting that he might make a run for the Presidency in '08. I can see why there's so much steam behind him. He has alot of the factors that make for a good Presidential candidate. He's handsome, intelligent, articulate, eloquent and half white. He's the type of black candidate to which mainstream america can relate.

I have to admit that I was enamored with him too. I heard about his campaign for ascendency from state office to Congress. I even donated money to that campaign...enough to get me on the Obama Christmas card list, but not enough to actually get invited to dinner. The first time I heard him speak in person, I realized what they were saying about him was true. He's got an aura about him that just draws you in. Plus, I appreciated that his wife was just as accomplished, if not more so by some standards, as he is.

But I don't want him to run for President. Politics has a way of corrupting and bastardizing good people. By it's very nature, the system is not geared for big wins. In fact, politics is a game of compromise.

"What do I have to do for you so that you'll do this thing for me?"

I think Barack has a powerful message of hope and inclusion. I don't want to see that message diluted at all. Pundits say that he's also not experienced enough for the job. To that I say, maybe. But, let's be real, could he really do worse than G-Dub Jr? I doubt it. Then, come the JFK comparisons. Everyone is so eager to have a central voice rise from the masses and Barack could be that. But, isn't it bad luck to compare him to a President that was assassinated shortly after his term began? While the mainstream can relate to his white side now, we all know that the minute he makes a mistake, they'll be talking about how Kenyans are known for being delinquent. LOL

Maybe I'm being selfish. I want to preserve the image that I've come to know and respect. I don't want to lose that. Plus, I know that the mainstream is notoriously fickle. Sure they love him now, but, I don't trust that.

What do you think?

Holla

Dominican Republic Trip Journal Part 8

Today we leave.

Soundtrack: The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill

I got up early, to have my one final walk along the beach. It's hot out today. At least upper 80s and it's only 9am. By the time I met the crew for breakfast, they were finishing up. So, I ate solo. It was nice. This was the best breakfast I had all weekend. The omelette guy finally cooked my eggs right. I finished up and headed to the beach to meet up with everyone. We layed out some more, to put the finishing touches on our tans.

I'm sad to go. But, I also feel like for once, I actually vacationed. I usually get caught up in doing alot of activities and I don't get to really veg out. That was not the case this time.

My next post will be from back in the office. Thanks for reading my trip journal. I look forward to my next one. So far, all I have planned is skiing in Colorado. Of course I'll keep you posted.

Holla...

Dominican Republic Trip Journal Part 7

Soundtrack - Kingdom Come - Jay Z

On Sunday all I did was veg out some more on the beach then by the pool. I got up a little bit later, but, still managed to get in my walk along the beach. The weather was really warm, at least 85 degrees. Today, we went in search of water activities. Unfortunately, the water was too choppy to go out in the little boats, so, we returned to the pool.

The Dominican guy hit on me some more. And I let him. LOL It was a good and relaxing day. Tonight, we're going to the Mexican spot for dinner.

Fast Forward to Dinner Time: The food was good, although what I had was not necessarily Mexican. I had spare ribs. That was the first time this weekend that I cleaned my plate though. There was a guy in the restaurant that looks like he could've been an athlete. Maybe a baseball player. The people that worked there seemed to give him a lot of attention and some took pictures with him. Maybe I should go on over to espn.com to see if I see him.

To be continued...

Dominican Republic Trip Journal Part 6

Tonight we decided to hit the club at the resort. It's called the Discotheque Bavaro. It's a nice looking club. There are little VIP booths you can sit in. When we arrived they were playing hip hop music. Then, the DJ mixed in a little Sean Paul, the one from Jamaica, not the Youngbloodz. Then, it was straight latin music for the next half hour or so. Some of the beats were banging, but, I was hoping for something that I'd halfway recognize. In addition, there weren't many people actually on the dance floor. If you've ever been to a mainstream club and seen everyone stand around the dance floor with drinks in hand and no intention of dancing, then, you get the picture.

There was a certain Soul Train element though. The club had dancers that wore these cute little star trek-esque outfits and they danced on podiums at the front of the club. The perception is that Latin Americans value a fuller female figure. That was not evidenced by the club dancers. They were all attractive and varying shades of brown but, the biggest was probably a size 6. I thought they looked great. But, I also thought it was interesting that even here, thin is more desirable.

To be continued...

Dominican Republic Trip Journal Part 5

Soundtrack - Rompe - Daddy Yankee

Scene - Chillin at the swim-up bar listening to reggaeton music. I'll chill here for a while then migrate back over to my lounge chair. Today I did water aerobics. It was so much fun. The picture above is of the bartenders that took care of us all weekend.

To be continued...

Dominican Republic Trip Journal Part 4

Soundtrack - Aujuswanaseing - Musiq

Scene - Chillin by the pool. Yesterday I figured out that my favorite drink is Planter's Punch. I was stuck on the Ron Punch, but the Planter's won. I've already gone on my morning walk and I've hit the breakfast buffet. The only thing I'm going to do today is chill out, get a massage and chill some more.

To be continued...

Dominican Republic Trip Journal Part 3

This afternoon we went exploring the grounds. One of the hotels we have access to has a casino. The crowd over there is a bit older and more subdued. The hotel seems nice but not as nice as where we're staying. One of the other featured attractions is a flamingo exhibit. There were about 5 flamingos just chillin in a pond inside the hotel. It was beautiful, I don't remember seeing anything like that ever. Sorry the pictures are so dark. The light was very dim in the flamingo alcove.

To be continued...

Dominican Republic Trip Journal Part 2

Soundtrack: The Evolution of Robin Thicke

Scene: Turquoise water for as far as my eye can see. Palm trees molded by the waves and bent by the wind. I decided to commit to a walk along the beach each day. It's quite windy, but, it's a warm wind. And the sun is turning my penny brown skin a warm bronzey mocha chocolate color. It feels so good.

The water is chilly. I guess because it is December, but because of the heat, you get used to it really quick. I just listen to my music and take in all of the beauty. As I take in a deep breath and then exhale, I realize that in this moment, right here, I'm as happy as I could be.

I walked for about 2 miles, one going and one coming back. I was just singing along to the music, aloud. I didn't care if people heard me or thought I was crazy. But in reality, the beach was kind of mellow. There weren't many people out there.

Then I noticed it, boobs...everywhere. There were lots of women walking around, laying out and chilling sans tops. I had a fleeting thought to whip off my top also. When in Rome, right? Then I remembered that I can only handle one new thing at a time. LOL

To be continued...

Dominican Republic Trip Journal Part 1

This weekend I went to the Dominican Republic. This was my first trip to the island of Hispaniola and I couldn't have been more excited. Since I was without internet access, I wrote in my journal each day. Thanks to my iPod, each day had a specific soundtrack or musical theme that kind of framed the moment. The next few posts will be directly from my journal. I hope you enjoy them.

Song: One is The Magic Number/Jill Scott

Scene: I'm flying miles above the clouds. Below is only turquoise water as far as my eyes can see out of this little airplane window. Coming up, I see the lush green landscape of the island.

On my mind: Food. I'm starving. The airline gave us breakfast sandwiches, but by this time at home I would already be on my second meal.

Arrival: The airport in Punta Cana is basically a large hut. There are no external walls and there is a thatched roof. When you get off the plane, you walk down the portable stairs on the tarmac and across the plane parking lot to the 'building'. There are women in varying shades of brown dressed up in what appears to be Mexican outfits. Maybe it's their Taino roots they're channelling.

The hotel is beautiful. We stayed at the Barcelo Bavaro Palace. They too have a very open floor plan. The rooms are clustered in different pastel colored buildings. It looks like a very nice garden style condo community. There is a sprawling pool and many restaurants to choose from with our all-inclusive plan. And then there's the beach. Just steps away. I stole away from the crew to have a few minutes alone with nature and snap the pic above.

The weather was very warm, about 84 degrees, although the day of our arrival it was slightly overcast.

To be continued...

New Toy

So, I got a new toy last night. A 30GB iPod. I figure this could be considered a christmas present to myself. That's my justification.

So, anyway, why was I up until the wee hours loading all of my favorite music onto it?? This was no easy task. I found myself prioritizing my music. Artists I can't live without, Diana Ross, Lauryn Hill (Miseducation era), Jill Scott, Michael Jackson, Al Green, Jay Z, Talib Kweli. Then there was the chillaxin music, Musiq, Dwele, Harry Connick, Jamiroquai. And for my spiritual side, I have to add that Kirk Franklin - Hero and all of my Mary Mary.

But, I couldn't forget about my old school favorites,

'This is it what. Lucini from the sky. Let's get rich what...'

Camp Lo. Yep, I bought that CD. I loved that song, gotta upload that. And what about the Lost Boyz? Jeeps, Lex Coups, Bimaz & Benz and Renee. That Legal Drug Money CD was the bomb. And what about Salt & Peppa, I can't forget them. I can create my own Hip Hop Honors playlist. This is dope!

It seems like every few years, I have a new life soundtrack. So, while I was sitting there sorting through CD's, I couldn't help but reminisce about what I was doing when those songs came out. And if the memories were good, I just added it to the playlist. In a way, I can edit my life movie with this new toy. I can leave the unpleasant memories on the CD shelf. I don't have to carry them with me. How great is that? :-)

I'm no where near finished with my little project. I've still got a zillion memories to upload.

Holla

The Wire Episode #49

Incredible. I know I've said a zillion times how awesome this show is. But, each week I'm soo blown away. "It don't get no realer, son."

Politics - The investigator can't uncover the bodies because of the stats.

F the Police - You're gonna look out for me? For me? You got my back, huh? Last line of the episode. Is there any wonder why people are afraid to 'do the right thing'?

Namond's mom - Is she off the hook or what? She called her only child every name but a child of God. He's just not cut out for 'the game' and God bless him for it. Hopefully Bunny can rescue him. He's still redeemable.

Good Michael/Bad Michael - His plot line breaks my heart the most. This is what happens to a smart young man when life shows him that he can't trust anyone but himself. The damage is immeasurable.

I think there's only one more episode in this season. Usually at the end of each season we get some kind of closure on at least one of the main plot lines. I don't see that happening in Episode 50. That makes me so sad. But, that's life, you don't get always get closure...or a happy ending.


Holla


P.S. Was that security guard Robert Erlich?

Monday Blues

Bebe Moore Campbell passed away today. She was a great author whose books I really enjoyed reading. She died of brain cancer. She was only 56. How sad...

Holla

Thanksgiving

We have a tradition in my family where at Thanksgiving dinner, everyone has to go around the table and say what they are thankful for. Most of us try to come up with something simple to avoid prolonging the feast. If I were to hold everyone up by naming each of the things I'm thankful for, everyone would faint from hunger.

I'm thankful for my family. That I have 3 sisters that I like and enjoy spending time with. That my mom is finally taking her health seriously. I'm thankful that my stepdad loves her no matter what. I'm thankful that my grandmom is still around. She's a pistol, but, I really appreciate her. I'm thankful that I have friends that have my back. Friends that will stick up for me without me knowing it. Friends that will say, 'that sounds fun.' when I come up with crazy activities for us to do.

I'm thankful that I have a job. A good job, where the people are fair with me. There was a time when I didn't have that, so, I feel overwhelmingly blessed now.

I'm sure I could come up with a million minute details of my life that I'm thankful for. But, I'll spare you that.

Hope you enjoyed your thanksgiving...

Holla

Celebrity Hit List

Most people have a Celebrity Hit List (CHL). This is a list of celebs that you'd hook up with if you had the chance. I think a person's list says a lot about what kind of people they're attracted to. For example, on my list are Idris Elba (an actor from The Wire - for you non-wire folks out there), Dr. Burke (Gray's Anatomy), Nelly, The Rock and TI. From this list, it's safe to deduce a few things about my likes. I like men with an abundance of melanin. If you're melanin challenged, like the Rock, you should definately have a nice body. If you don't have a nice body, like TI, you should definately have a confident swagger. All of these men portray an image of being smart, confident and pretty secure with themselves.

Now, what if I asked a guy I'm dating for his CHL and he had Gabrielle Union, Tamala Jones, Toni Braxton and Kelly Rowland in prominent positions? I'd think ok, cool. I'm in that range. They're all in my complexion range. They all have figures similar to mine. They're all kind of low key but still cute or even sexy to some. But, what if he said that his list contained Beyonce, Eva Mendes, Jessica Rabbit, Rihanna and that girl from the Pussy Cat Dolls? I'd probably sit there and wonder, what does he see in me, if those women are his ideal?? In the back of my mind, I'd probably store this little tidbit away.

Why would a man consider dating a woman that didn't come close to his ideal? Could it be because he doesn't think he can actually 'pull' his ideal, so he'll settle for somebody out of scope? Or maybe it's something totally different. I have no idea how men think when it comes to this.

I do know that men fall in love with women they find attractive and women become more attracted to men that they are in love with. So, our list isn't based on physical attraction alone. We include all kinds of intangibles like swagger, whether or not he's cheated on his celeb mate, sense of humor and other things like that. Whereas most guys I know don't even have to know the woman's name to add her to the list. LOL

So maybe you should ask your person who's on their CHL. Then ask them if they think you have anything in common with the people on that list. Let me know how that goes...

Holla

Priced Out of the Market

One of my girlfriends recently accepted a very lucrative position. Of course, we're all very happy for her and proud of her. She's worked hard and deserves this opportunity. However, after the initial congratulations, we began talking about how lucky she is to already be engaged with a date set. You see, we have reason to believe that if she were single, she'd be pricing herself out of the dating market with this new position. The media is quick to tout the statistics that the higher black women move up the corporate ladder the slimmer their chances are of finding a mate.

I've heard plenty of men say that they don't have a problem with their woman making more money than them as long as the woman doesn't 'flaunt' it. I think deep down, most good men want to be the providers for their families. I also think that the person with the higher income can slip into a money power trip without meaning to. Unfortunately, when the man has the money power trip, it's expected, therefore not a big deal. But, when the woman does it, it's emasculating.

This is going to sound very retro and possibly anti-feminist, but, I don't think women can 'have it all'. Society is just not built to support us in that way. I think that it's hard to near-impossible to nurture yourself, your family AND your career. Something's going to fall by the wayside. Sometimes, we end up neglecting ourselves. We stop eating right, we don't make time to hit the gym, we don't make our monthly spa visit and we miss out on opportunities to feed our spirit.

As a woman of a certain age, considering the next stage in my life, I'm seriously troubled by the fact that my career success may translate into a relationship roadblock. How can I make it all work? My typical MO is to playdown my resume. Early on in the dating sequence, I've stopped mentioning that I have a graduate degree. Since most people not in IT don't really understand much about IT, instead of saying that I manage multi-million dollar software development projects, I just say I work on computers. LOL When I get raises and bonuses, I celebrate with my girlfriends. It's funny though, because guys that I date will share all of this information with me within the first few dates and the result is just as they expect it to be. I'm impressed and happy for them.

This all makes me think of that Jill Scott song, the one where she talks about how she can do all this stuff around the house, she can raise a child, etc. But, she still needs a man around. (The song is The Fact Is (I Need You). It's track 4 on the last CD) That's how I feel. I can deliver exceptional impromptu presentations at work, but, I still leave half empty bottles of water all around my apartment. I don't know why. (I started buying those little kid bottles so that I wouldn't have any leftovers. ;-))I just do. I am an awesome mentor to my junior team members. But, my red car has a layer of dirt on it so thick, it looks burgundy because I'm not good at the whole car washing thing. I have digestion problems, so I need somebody to rub my tummy every now and then. Sure, I could pay to have all this stuff done. But I don't want to. I want my man to do it. I just hope I don't price myself out of the market.

Holla.

Wednesday Ramblings 11/15/2006

Have you ever had one of those moments where you find out the truth about a situation and it really blows your mood? Well, I had one of those moments and I thought I was going to talk about it. And maybe I will, one day, but I don't have words now. But, it sure is bumming me out.

Wasn't that something about Gerald Levert? I was not a big fan of him or his music but, it's sad for such a young man to die like that. Of course the fat people are equating his passing to the athletes that have heart attacks. Is this really the same situation?

I was also shocked to hear about Ed Bradley. I actually liked him. He seemed really cool and smart. He really kept his illness on the DL. He probably didn't want people to feel sorry for him. I can respect that.

Is there any good news to speak about? Well, I'm going to the DR in 2 weeks. I'm really excited. I was working alot this year and didn't make it to the beach once, so I'm glad to be able to get it in before year's end. The means I only have 2 weeks to get in shape. AARRRRRGGGGHHH the stress of it all Excuse me while I go do some squats.

Holla

Monday Update

I had a very interesting 2nd anniversary weekend. On Friday a sudden change in plans led me to a happy hour with my sister and her friends. She and I don't get to hang out often so, it was nice to spend time with her and get to know her friends. We ate, drank and danced a little. I realized that I'm a younger man magnet. Why weren't these same kind of guys trying to talk to me when I was in my 20's? Maybe because I looked 12 then. Whatever.

Saturday, I vegged out most of the day then spent the other half in search of the perfect pair of jeans. I don't know why but, I think the perfect pair of jeans will make my life so much easier. I have over 30 pairs in my closet that seem to say otherwise though. At any rate, I settled on a pair of Joe's Jeans to be my denim elixir for the next few months.

Skating was a blast. Overall, it was a very chill crowd. There were a few standouts though. Like the man in the black and gold biker shorts, yellow headband and braid down his back. We couldn't really knock him though, he was a great skater. Then there were the regulars. This was a group of guys that basically dominated the rink. They were doing all kinds of tricks and moves. They were the bomb. I set out to learn how to do all the stuff they were doing. The only difference is that I did mine on the carpet. Hey, you've gotta start somewhere. After my first few times around the rink, most of my old Shake & Bake skills came back. It was a great workout too. I'll post a pic of my warm up routine tomorrow.

Well, I'm going back to sleep now. I'll post again later. I've got alot to talk about...

Holla

ETA: The pix I promised

Wednesday Ramblings

Whatever happened to tube socks? Do you know they are not sold anywhere anymore? I even looked online and I can't find any. Y'all know I have a thing about dressing for my events and I really wanted to wear a cute little retro tee, a denim mini and some tube socks for my little roll/bounce bday party on saturday. How cute would that be? Well, it doesn't look like it's gonna happen. I may have to sub with some regular tall knit socks instead. We'll see.

Can I just say that I am soo in love with Robin Thicke right now. That song 'Lost W/out You' is the bomb. I'm about to download the CD.

I'm lost without you

Can't help myself

How does it feel

To know that I love you baby

Lyrics of the song Lost Without You on the album The Evolution of Robin Thicke

I just love it. The way he sings it is so vulnerable and it has a kind of yearning feeling about it...without being all needy and stalkerish. LOL

That's sexy.

Holla

Low Key This Year

My birthday is coming up and I've gotten alot of messages from people asking me what I'm doing this year because they want to be included. Back in the day my friends and I would throw pretty elaborate birthday combinations. We have fall birthdays and we loved to plan combined events to maximize the fun and minimize the cost. Last year, I decided that I wasn't having birthdays anymore. I watched this show featuring Mariah Carey and she said that she has 'Anniversaries' instead. I instantly loved that idea and adapted it to my own life. So, this will be my second anniversary.

This year, all I really want to do is go rollerskating and get dressed up to go out to eat. I'm playing it low key this year. After a certain number of birthdays don't you have all the stuff you want already anyway?

Oh, but don't sleep, I'm still taking off a day of work. I said I was going low key. Not non-existent.

Holla

The Wire #45

I watched episode 45 of the Wire last night. I won't spoil it for anyone but, I think it's pretty obvious that Michael has been abused which explains his standoffish attitude towards Cutty. I think young Randy is gonna get killed once everyone finds out that he's been snitching. Speaking of Randy, his last name is Wagstaff, when Method Man was on the show, his last name was Wagstaff too. Is Randy his son?

I'll end now so that I don't give anything away for everyone that'll be watching the show on Sunday. Post comments after you've seen it.

Holla

America's Most Dangerous Cities

I was really scared to peek at the list. I didn't want to see my hometown on there. Now, I'm not saying things aren't bad there, but, it ain't on the list folks. Check it out...


Information From AP -- Compiled By Morgan Quitno Press
10. Gary, Ind.
9. Youngstown, Ohio
8. Oakland, Calif.
7. Cleveland, Ohio
6. Birmingham, Al.
5. Camden, N.J.
4. Compton, Calif.
3. Flint, Mich.
2. Detroit, Mich.
1. St. Louis, Mo.

Pasted from <http://blackvoices.aol.com/black_news/canvas_directory_headlines_features/_a/americas-10-most-dangerous-cities/20061030090909990001>

The Radar

Imagine an air traffic control terminal. There is a blue screen, a few dots sprinkled about and a glowing white vertical line that sweeps back and forth across the semi-circle shaped screen. Each time the line passes across the smattering of dots, there is a very calming beep. However, when one of those dots, moves towards the edge of the screen, an alarm goes off.

This is the male radar. And ladies, we are the dots. I think men have an internal mechanism that psychically checks the status of each of the dots, or loves, in their past. As long as you're single when the monitor line passes over you, he'll hear a calming 'beep'. However, the minute you start dating someone that is of value and that you might start digging, his alarm goes off. Of course, since this mechanism is sub-conscious, he doesn't know why he's calling you out of the blue. He just felt compelled to call you to 'see how you're doing'. Or he was just thinking about that time when you and he went on vacation and how nice it was. To the younger woman, this can be confusing. Does he like me still? Does he want to get back together? Etc.

Once a woman reaches a certain age, she knows all about The Radar. She knows that once he's loved her, on some level he'll always feel like she's partly his. She also knows that his alarm can and will go off, even when he's happily involved with someone else. The alarm call, doesn't mean he wants you back, he just senses that he's about to not be able to ever have you again. You see, even if they don't want you, sometimes people like to know that you're there 'just in case'. I know, it sounds crazy, but, it's real, trust me on this.

Sometimes, the alarm is based on a signal to the man that his window of regret is closing. Surely, you've ended at least one relationship on bad terms where the guy was an @ss. You went away frustrated. Analyzing it with your girls, 'how could he do something like that?' What you don't know is that he realizes that he was a jerk but, pride has kept him from apologizing. Then, before he knew it, a week became a month which became a year. You've worked through it, chalked it up and moved on. And the minute you stepped towards the edge of his screen, he is ravaged with regret and he wants to tell you what a mistake he made.

I'm sure there are other reasons for the alarm. I think most men of a certain age can and will analyze their own behavior to figure out the best way to proceed when the alarm goes off. Instead of calling you, they may go and have a drink with the fellas. Who knows.

Ladies, there's nothing we can do about the radar. If you were lucky enough to have found love then unfortunate enough to have lost it, you may get an alarm call every now and then. You just need to know what's really going on and react accordingly.

Holla

Happy Monday

I took a much needed rest this weekend. It was fabulous! I caught up on my Battlestar Gallactica episodes on On Demand. I washed 6 loads of clothes, finally returned those things sitting by my door, bought a new iron and hung out with my girl. Pretty chill and uneventful.

Then the weirdest thing happened. First, let me give you the backstory. Rewind the clock to the early spring. He was rude, I called him on it. He wasn't trying to hear me. We broke up and it wasn't pleasant. In the interim, no contact in either direction. Until Saturday, he sends a text message, 'Can I borrow a dvd?'. When I saw the message, I was confused. Surely homeboy wasn't sending me a text after 6 months of not speaking...to ask for one of my dvd's. So, you're probably wondering how I replied. I thought of a few really clever quips but, I didn't send them. Afterall, I don't respond to messages from strangers. LOL I think this storyline might develop further, I'll post what happens.

What was the dvd? Does it matter? You can get basically any DVD you want from Target nowadays.

That was just really random.

Holla

I'm back

I totally over scheduled myself this month. I've done 2 cancer walks, 2 birthday celebrations, 1 chair dance class, 1 pole class, 2 brunches, 3 dinners and 1 trip to the salvation army. Next month, I am going to chill...for real.

I've got a dilemma and I'm not sure how to handle it. The girl that sends the forwards now sends these 'Words of Wisdom' emails every day. About a year ago, I asked her to take me off of her distro list. I don't mind the personal emails, but the forwards and the not so wise words of wisdom annoy the heck out of me. The mails stopped for a few months, but, now I'm getting them again. For a while, I was just deleting the mails without reading them. Lately, I've been thinking, why should I have to do that if I didn't want the mail in the first place?? I don't want to hurt the girls feelings but, I'm tired of being inconvenienced. I know if I confront her, I'm going to sound annoyed and maybe not so nice. What would you do?

Holla

Superstition

Happy Friday the 13th!

Be careful not to step on any cracks, else you break your mother's back.

Watch out for black cats crossing your path.

Don't sweep anyone's feet, but if you do, spit on the broom so they won't go to jail.

What are some of the crazy, nonsensical superstitions that you grew up hearing?

Holla

ETA:

I had to call my mom to get more of those crazy superstitions she told us when we were kids. Here's what she came up with:

• Don't brake a mirror, else you'll get 7 years of bad luck.
  Don't buy a man a pair of shoes, else he'll walk away from you.
• For that matter, don't give him a watch, else he realize it's TIME to leave you. (can't help but laugh at that one.)
  Don't open an umbrella indoors. I don't know what bad thing will happen if you do that.
  If you spill salt, you must throw some over your right shoulder. Please don't ask me why.
• If it rains while the sun remains shining, it means the devil is beating his wife. I bet y'all didn't know that Lucifer was married did ya?
• You must flush shedded hair, if you throw it in the garbage, you will get a migraine because the birds, I guess at the landfill, will peck it. I know, don't ask.
  And finally, if while walking down the street with a companion the two of you walk on opposite sides of a pole, you MUST say PEANUT BUTTER/JELLY and I haven't the slightest idea why.

They Don't Really See Me

When you go to the eye doctor, they do a test where they show you a row of letters, usually black, on a white background, and you have to let the doctor know when the letters comes into focus for you. Once you've taken the test many times, you know that the biggest letter on the first line is the letter E. Because you've seen it before, sometimes, your mind compensates for the fact that it's not in focus and allows you to 'see' it even though it's very blurry. I think being black in a mostly white environment is like being that out of focus big letter 'E'.

I work in an office with 2, no make that 3 black people. There is one other black woman and a black man. None of us look alike. This week, we have an in-office visitor, a black woman from another office. In the black community, no one would say that we resemble one another. However, today, when I returned from a team lunch, the project Big Cheese said to me, 'Hey, good to see you. How was your flight?'

I stopped, gave him a quizzical look and replied, 'This would make a great skit for 'The Office'.' He chuckled.

'I was just kidding. I knew it was you.'

I gave him a smile that said, 'sure you did buddy.'

The Office is a popular show around these parts. The often politically incorrect jokes make many of my co-workers feel that they are not alone in their stupidity.

It's not like BC doesn't have a personal relationship with me. Oh wait, maybe it's just me that has the relationship with him. We had one on one conversations many many times. I think the issue is that maybe he only knows me in the context of being the smaller black girl in the office. Now that there are two smaller black girls, he's just confused, right? I know he doesn't think that we ALL look alike, right? I really think that unless you have an intimate relationship with a white person, they don't really 'see' you. You're just a blur that they know in a particular context. That intimate relationship can be physical, emotional, mother/child, or the like.

It was soo funny when he realized his mistake, he was quite embarrassed. I wasn't really offended, I've been the only or one of a few chips in the corporate America cookie for a long time. As long as he doesn't get me mixed up with anyone when he's assigning promotions next year, I'm cool.


Holla

Great Expectations

Most of us know that in life, when we expect the worst, that's usually what we'll get. But, how do you react when someone has expects the best of you? Are surprised? Do you try to meet their expectations or do you think something is wrong with them for being so optimistic?

I consider myself an optimistic realist. I know bad things can happen but, I hope for the best. That same MO applies when I meet new people. But, I've found that some people, men especially, don't know how to respond to a woman that expects great things from them. It's funny because, a lot of men will get on a woman's case if she is bitter about past experiences and thinks all men are trifling dogs. But then, that's what they expect. Black women are arguably the least desirable of any group on the planet. We're supposedly overweight, bitter, gold diggers, promiscuous women with bad attitudes. I'm none of those things, so according to some people, I'm 'different' than my sisters. I always argue that there are a lot of women that don't fit that horrible stereotype. And there are plenty that are fans of the black man. Then, I follow that up with the same argument I'd have with a girlfriend that says all men are dogs. If you think all black women are a certain way, that says more about your maturity and choices than it does about the women you're criticizing.

I think it also says a lot about a person's motivating factors. Some people like being the underdog. They like to prove you wrong. 'Oh you think all men are XYZ, then I'll be just the opposite to prove you wrong.' This might speak to a man's competitive nature. Some men like to feel like they've overcome a hurdle to be with you. They've earned their spot. That's cool and all, if that's what gets you going. But, wouldn't it be nice to meet someone that from the beginning treats you with respect and support and expects you to be honest and loyal and generous and humble? What if you didn't have those first 6 months of proving that you were a good man. What if instead, she thought you were a good man until you did something to mess it up. Isn't that a novel idea?

People have said that I live in a bubble. I find that insulting. Just because I can be optimistic, doesn't mean that I haven't had my share of disappointments. That's one of my blessings so, I'm going to ignore all the negativity and continue to have great expectations. Who knows, maybe it'll catch on.

Holla

Speaking in Tongues

I'm still trying to process an experience I had in church on Sunday. There was a point in the service where the pastor asked us to hold hands and pray together. This was especially helpful to me because my heart has been heavy with a family issue over the past few weeks. So, I'm holding hands with my group and praying for strength when the woman next to me sees that I'm upset and begins to pray for me. That was fine. I can always use more prayers. Then, as she starts to get revved up, I hear something like...

"Boom shack alacka sheemus"

On reflex, I opened my eyes. Did she really just say that? Then, I admonished myself for the chuckle that I felt coming on. "Lord, please forgive me", I said. I have never heard anyone speak in tongues up close before. And to be honest, I felt a little uncomfortable, and I don't know why.

I'm an introspective person, so, public personal displays aren't really my forte. But, I can't judge another persons expression to the almighty. Occasionally at my church, someone will shout or yell "Hallelujah". I often wonder what it's like to have that kind of feeling wash over me. When I feel especially humbled or blessed, the tears will flow, but, that's about it. Am I not really feeling it? I'm inclined to believe that God made me the way I am and that's fine. I still can't help but wonder what it's like for the people on the other side.

Is speaking tongues a gift? Or is it like skatting in jazz. You just make up words to express a feeling? I know it's viewed differently by different denominations. I want to be clear that I'm not making fun of that woman. After she prayed for/with me, she said, "everything is gonna be ok." I believe that. Surely God put her in my circle for a reason and I respect that.

The funny thing is, I watch all of the supernatural movies and I know that miracles and unexplainable things can happen by the grace of God. When I see things happen in real life, why do I question it? Was this one of those events?

I have to ponder this some more.

Holla

First Date Don'ts from My Archives

A friend of mine was prepping for a first date last week. While we were talking about his plans, I gave him tips based on some of the worst dates I've been on. I figured I'd share my top 3 bad dates/outings with all of you.

Go easy on the ketchup.
Mr. Ketchup and I went to a popular pizza restaurant for dinner. When the waitress came over and asked if we wanted an appetizer. He asked for the restaurant's appetizer sampler platter. I whispered to him that I didn't want an appetizer. He said, 'that's cool. This is for me.' I said, 'the whole thing?' he said 'yeah'. Not wanting to judge, I proceeded to order my food. When the appetizer platter came, the guy asked the waitress for ketchup. I looked at him b/c I had never known anyone to put ketchup on loaded potato skins, buffalo wings and mozzarella sticks. When I asked him about it, he just said, 'I like ketchup.' Alrighty then, the plate was covered in ketchup, I could barely see the food underneath.

The moral of the story: Show your good table manners. Save the ketchup finger licking for a later date. While you're at it, put a little distance between your face and your plate.

Poop at home.
Mr. Poop got his name because after eating the dinner he prepared at my place, he disappeared into my bathroom for about 20 minutes. Now, I don't keep magazines in my bathroom. I like to get in and get out. I'm not much for lounging on the toilet. So, after about 7 or 8 minutes, I went near the door and asked if everything was alright. He said yeah, so I went back to watching TV, but, I was thinking, 'This fool is gonna have to get his Poop Butt up outta my place.' How do you tell someone that you don't want to see him anymore because he had a BM on your first date? I couldn't figure it out, so, I just stopped answering his calls. I figured after 3 calls, he'd get the message. Unfortunately, he didn't. He proceeded to call me about once a week for about 6 months.

Moral of the story: Go at home. If you absolutely HAVE to poop at your date's house before y'all are comfortable with each other. Please PLOP & FLUSH immediately, that minimizes the smell.

187 is not just a number.
Many years ago, my girl and I had gone out to a club to dance our booties off. While we were there, we ran into some of her friends from back in the day. The guys seemed cool in a friendly kind of way, not in a romantic way. At least for me, there was no love connection. Since we were having fun bugging out, we decided to go get some after the club food. So, we're sitting up in IHOP and we all started talking about work and stuff like that. Then dude proceeds to tell me that he's trying to make a new life for himself. I'm all about positivity, so I was like, 'yo, that's cool.' Then, he said that he had been 'away' for a while. Being the sheltered nerd that I am, I said something like, 'oh, were you on vacation?' Dude proceeds to tell me that he had been locked up. Now, I understand how our brothers can get caught up in the system for dumb stuff, I asked him what he was in for. That's when he told me that he had 'taken somebody out' but 'it was justified'. I immediately lost my appetite and started ducking every time a car drove by the restaurant window slowly. He and his friend asked my girl, 'yo, what's up with your girl?' I said something dumb like 'I get seizures when I'm sleepy'. As soon as we were out of there, I reamed my girl for having me hang out with ex-cons. Now, whenever I meet any of her friends, I'm sure to ask her how she knows them and if they've done any time.

Moral of the story: Keep the first date light. Feel the person out first before spilling your sordid history.

Dates are all about making a good first impression, especially first dates. So, relax and be yourself. Save your bad habits til at least the 2nd date. :-)

Holla

Open Letter to Kim Porter

Hi Kim,

We've never met, but, I feel like I know you. I heard that you are preggers with twins and Diddy's the father. I think you should do what Charlie Sheen's wife did and LEAVE now! You don't have to wait until the children are born. You may be able to cash in some of those extravagant gifts, the Fendi Spy bags, the Birkins, the barely used Manolos, and set yourself up in a nice little apartment down in Georgia with your friends and family.

It's obvious that Diddy doesn't really love you. Or at least he doesn't love you enough to marry you. He says that he takes marriage seriously and just doesn't want to fail at it. On the surface that's understandable, but, if you dig a little it smells just like *cough*bullisht*cough. According to J.Lo, he proposed to her TWICE. Have you guys even had 'the talk' yet? I know the trips to St. Tropez, the all white parties and the shopping sprees are seductive, but are you really happy? I mean deep down inside happy. And since you are an educated woman, I don't have to tell you that happy is alot different than content, right?

Diddy is being self centered and to a large degree you are allowing it. He's not considering the example that he's setting for his sons. They will grow up thinking that it's ok to have several children with a woman without considering marrying her. That's unacceptable. I'm not a fortune teller, but I also predict that your sons may even lose a little respect for you if you stay in this situation.

Change is tough, and making your situation right isn't going to be easy at all. But, with plenty of prayer and support from people that really love you, I'm sure you can do it. I don't think Diddy is a bad guy, I just think he's like most people that pretty much get everything they want and then some. Of course, he's worked extremely hard to get to where he is in life. But, you're no slouch either. You have your event production company and you could always go back to the fashion industry.

Don't go out like this.

Holla

Is Your Glass Half Empty?

Have you ever found yourself in a conversation with a friend and then before you know it, you realize it's not a conversation, it's more like a complain-fest. I hate to hear complaints. I rank complaints in the same category as whiners and nags. Granted, we all have moments where life just gets the best of us and we have to let off a little steam. I call this venting. But, the operative word is 'moments'. Complainers see the world's glass as half empty all the time. They almost hope that things won't go right so that they can have an opportunity to whine about it. And then, because misery loves company they nag to you about their disgruntledness hoping that you'll feed into it and help them keep it going.

My personal way of dealing with complaining is to quickly figure out what I can control and what I can't. If a particular establishment always has poor customer service, I may complain about it once. If I experience the same behavior again, I'll boycott the place. I think right now, I've got about 3 places on my boycott list. I can't control how they treat me, but, I can surely control how I spend my money. There's no need to talk about it. Just do something about it.

Whiners are the woe-is me tribe. Everything is worse for them and you always have it better. "Well if I had what you had, I wouldn't be in this situation." "Of course they're skinny, they've got people helping them. I work all day."BLAH BLAH BLAH We all feel down and like we just can't get a break sometimes. That's a part of life but the glory is in figuring out how to get up. Figuring that out takes a certain amount of self empowerment and confidence. It's all in the baby steps. You have to figure out small things that you can do to get yourself out of the doldrums bit by bit. Then do them.

It's incredibly draining to be around people that see the glass as half empty. If you were in a good mood when you met them, you'll probably be sad or angry by the time they leave. And sometimes, these people actually have the nerve to feel better once they've transferred all of their complaints and whines to you. That's pretty selfish. The bottom line is that your view of the world is your choice. If you want to see your glass as half empty, recognize that you've made that CHOICE. It's funny how when you expect to see a thing, that's the ONLY thing you'll ever see.

Holla

Thursday

Ok don't laugh but I really like Lionel Richie's new CD. He has one song called 'All Around the World' that makes me want to stand in the middle of the room and just twirl. LOL

Just had to share that.

I'm swamped at work.

Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday and I get to leave early.

What I'm looking forward to? The Gray's Anatomy season premiere tonight.

Holla

Stripper School

There is a relatively new phenomenon in the fitness industry called Strip-Aerobics. There are dvd's, special classes and as I found out this weekend, whole gyms dedicated to getting you in shape and teaching you a lil somethin somethin. My girls and I went to Xpose on Saturday for their free intro class. As soon as we decided to go, there was a flurry of calls back and forth.

What do you wear to a stripping class?
Short shorts, tank top and heels.

Should you do any kind of before class prep?
Nope

So, in this class, there were about 40 women of all ages, shapes and ethnicities. Some were dressed modestly, a few, the Britney Spears wanna-bes, were not. Luckily, we were somewhere in between. Our teacher was an average looking girl with a stellar physique. She came equipped with her see-thru plastic platform hoe-stroll shoes, booty shorts and a t-shirt that said something like 'Real Girls like Poles'. We were impressed, she looked like a pro.

The class started off slow. She taught us the basics to get us warmed up. The dip, the rock and the hand trace. Then it was time for us to showcase our SEXYWALK. I've never done my SEXYWALK outside of my apartment. But on Saturday, I sashayed across the floor like the pro I am in my dreams. LOL Then, when I got to the poll I did this little dip I'd seen the girl do in Usher's Yeah video. It was awesome...a little runway with some Frederick's thrown in for spice.

After everyone practiced their walks, it was time for the floor work. We learned the cat, the figure 4, the Playboy, the butterfly and the peek-a-boo. I see why the good strippers earn the good tips, these moves are no joke. And to be able to do them without sweating and still look sexy is not easy. Once we had those mastered, the teacher showed us what they would look like on a chair. Impressive. Since it was the promo class, we didn't get our own chairs, so she told us to practice at home for our loved ones. I wonder how many babies were conceived that night?

The final demo was on the pole. The pole instructor was a cross between Serena Williams and Monique. Stop laughing! But yeah, that image you have in your head is right. An usual combo. Anyway, Serena-Monique strutted around that pole like it was The Rock. She gazed at it, then hoisted herself onto it and slid down like it had been greased with crisco. Then, she swung on it like a merry-go-round. We learned that pole work is really all in your arms. Those classes really build upper body strength. And get this, they have portable poles that you can practice on in your home! I heard many women inquiring about the logistics of that.

All in all, we gave the class a thumbs-up and we're definately going back. It was a fun way to get exercise and add some new tricks to the repertoire. Hopefully, I won't forget them before I have the opportunity to use them.

There is a side effect to being a woman of a certain age taking strip aerobics though. The next day, you ache in places that you didn't know you had. But, I don't think it's more than a nice warm bubble bath can heal.

...and why do I keep hearing Miami base mixed with that Kiya song in my head?

My neck,
My back...


Holla

My Hairstory

I'm obsessed with my hair. My hair, your hair, her hair. I'm obsessed with all of it. Over the past few years, I've been on a bit of a hair journey. I wanted to get to a place where I honestly love what's growing out of my head. It hasn't always been easy.

When I was a kid, I loved my hair. My mom would style my reddish brown hair in two afro puffs. I always got compliments on the color. So, I figured that must be special and what little girl doesn't want to have something special about her. As I got older, I tried to mold my curly kinky hair into a sleek wrapped bob. It didn't work. My hair would end up looking like a brown cottony beret slapped on my head. I hated it.

I thought I needed to go to a professional to get the look that my friends were able to get so easily. So, I tried every well known salon in my hometown. The first thing each wanted to do was slap a relaxer in my head, then charge me an arm and a leg.

"Ooh chile, your hair is nappy, when was your last touch up?"
"Last month."
"Well, it's time for you to get another one. Shelia, put her down for a super perm."

So, the stylist would perm my hair with the strongest relaxer she had available then 'trim' off all of my new growth. So, I'd leave with my hair actually shorter than when I walked in. Sure, the style was pretty, but where was my hair? Then, inevitably, within a few weeks, my hair would start to fall out. I had no idea what was happening. I was coerced into believing that I just had bad hair. It never 'acted right'. I began to feel like going to the salon was on the same level as a dentist appointment. It was the worst.

When I got older, I started reading more about taking care of my hair and I experimented with different techniques that would keep the hair on my head. I also learned that those super perms were way too strong for me, all I needed was a mild. I realized that I was fighting a losing battle by trying to wear those sleek straight styles. I have big hair and that's just that, why fight it. Now, I only wear my hair straight a few times a year just to see how much it's grown.

I've had many different reactions to my new hair. Some people love it and others ask me when I'm going to get a perm. The funniest reaction came from a security guard in my building. After complimenting me on my hair she said,

'You know, I've been thinking about going back to my jerri curl too.'

That really cracked me up. I might decide to relax it again next year or tomorrow, I don't know. But, I find myself attracted to people with big natural hair. I just want to reach out and touch it, on the subway, in the mall, everywhere. I also make it a point now to compliment women with natural hair. I think they get more criticism than admiration, especially women with a kinkier texture. I recognize that they are like salmon swimming upstream, when it comes to their hair choice. I appreciate that and it inspires me to care less about what others have to say about my 'fro.

Holla

Happy Birthday!

To my lil sis - Congrats on making it to through your first quarter century. I love you bunches! And I'm so proud of you.

To my BFF - Hope you feel better. Who gets sick on their bday weekend? We'll have to make up for it next weekend. Smooches.

We Need More Big Voices!

He grabbed my hand and led me to a spot on the dance floor.

"You ready?"
"Yes."
"Follow me."

Back 2, 3
Front 2, 3
Back 2, 3
Front 2, 3

"I've got an idea that will help us win this contest"
"Really, I thought we were doing pretty good like this."

Back 2, 3
Front 2, 3

"We are, but, we can take it up a notch"
"What are you gonna do?"
"Don't worry, just trust me. It's gonna be great."

With that, I looked into his eyes to see if there were any hints about what he was planning.
He returned my gaze with a confident smile.

Back 2, 3
Front 2, 3

"When I give you the signal, put your head through this hole."
He formed his arms into a circular shape at his side.

"Are you serious?"
"Yeah, trust me. I've got this."

Back 2, 3
Front 2, 3

Now.

I stuck my head through his arms and all I saw next was pavement... then sky.

Imagine a windmill. Imagine a human windmill. A 6 foot 2 inch human windmill.

I was the blade doing a 360 in the wind.
The crowd roared.
My knees were weak.

Back 2, 3
Front 2, 3

"Oh my God, that was incredible."
With a casually sly smile, he said, "I told you I had it."
"I believed you."

Back 2, 3
Front 2, 3

No, I was not a contestant on Dancing with the Stars. This was an episode straight out of the Adams Morgan Festival yesterday. There were salsa and meringue bands, lots of vendors with great food and as I found out, a man with a Big Voice.

The Big Voice (BV) is a term my friends and I have coined to describe that cool, confident swagger that some men have. Men with BV only need to say a thing once. Their delivery inspires a sense of trust and calm in the listener. Some people think the BV is big because it's loud. That's hardly ever true. The man with the BV doesn't have to raise the volume or be boisterous to get people to follow him. He's a natural born leader.

A man with BV can be charismatic, although that's not always the case. I've known male models, football players and nerds with BV. The defining characteristic of the BV'd man is that he takes care of things, gets the job done with little fanfare. He does what he says he's going to do and sometimes more. This sense of responsibility garners respect. He's also certain of what he knows and honest about what he doesn't know. You always know where you stand with a BV man because he's not afraid to share that with you. He could care less about what other people think. And did I mention that this quality is extremely sexy?

The BV man is an endangered species. With changing social politics and constantly moving boundaries a lot of men have lost their BV and a lot of women don't realize that they should want that in their lives. I think we should start a movement to Save the Big Voices. We need them.

Side 2, 3
Side 2, 3
Back 2, 3
Front 2, 3
"So, what are you doing tomorrow?"

Holla

The Scope of My Responsibility?

If a woman does not respect herself, why do I have to respect her? That is the gist of a conversation I had with a friend of mine last week. We were talking about that ridiculous Flavor of Love show. I think the show is a case study in mutual disrespect. The women get on there and pretend to have feelings for Flav with hopes that their camera time will propel their non-existent careers. I acknowledge there may be some women that really are feeling Flav, but I think they are in the minority. Then, on the flip side, Flav takes advantage of the situation. He knows that most of the women aren't really there 'for him' and I'm not sure if he's really serious about finding 'the one' on the show. To get his attention, the woman drop it like it's hot, make their butts clap and tongue him down whenever they get the opportunity. My friend thinks that if the women are putting it out there like that, then why shouldn't Flav take advantage of it?

My position is that if a man respects a woman, he wouldn't let her play herself like that in public. Respect goes two-ways, you have to carry yourself in a respectful manner in order to get respect from anyone. But, are you supposed to respect those that aren't smart enough to respect themselves? Again, I think yes. I remember when a man would intervene if he saw a female friend he respected acting un-ladylike while at the club. He'd pull her to the side and ask her to straighten up. Does that happen anymore?

I can't place all of the blame on the men, women HAVE contributed to the current state of affairs. All of that talk about being 'Independent' and 'Not needing a man' has made many men resentful towards women. I've heard guys say, 'let her independent @ss handle that on her own.' A lot of men are confused and unsure about what's expected of them by women. The female role has expanded and there was no equal change on the masculine side of the equation. So, we're unbalanced. I understand the rationale of the women's movement. I just think the effect it had on Black women was detrimental. It served to divide and conquer our families.

In conclusion, I think that while we may not have a responsibility to a particular person, we should feel responsible about the images and representations we unwittingly pass on to our young people. If men starting telling young girls that they are more interested in your personality than their ability to clap their butt cheeks, maybe a few young girls would stop bending over. And maybe if women would stop chasing after the local drug dealers with the phat whip and big wad of cash and instead gave a second look to the broke computer science college student, a few young guys would consider enrolling in school. It's within our scope of responsibility to respect even those that don't respect themselves, because we're all connected. Imagine where we'd be as a community if we actually practiced that. We can do it, one person at a time.

Schqueeek!! Schqueeek!!

So, last week I got these new shoes for work. I usually wear heels everyday and while that looks good, it was becoming murder on my calves. So, I went on a search for some fashionable but comfy shoes. I settled on these brown Kenneth Cole/Reaction wedges. The wedge heel gave me the height I need for my slacks, while feeling like clouds on my feet. I was soo excited that I planned to go back and get them in black in a few weeks. The first day I wore them, life was grand. On the second day, I realized that maybe they were too big. I wear a 6.5 and these shoes are a 6.5 but, they kinda slide off the back of my feet. Still, I held strong, better to have a shoe that's too big, than one that is too small, right?

Then came the sound...Schqueeek!! Schqueeek!!

I looked behind me to see where that noise was coming from. Was one of my co-workers playing a prank on me?

Schqueeek!! Schqueeek!!

Then, I looked down and noticed that the sound was coming from my feet. My shoes were making this noise that sounded like wet sneakers sloshing about. Schqueeek!! Schqueeek!!

Still, I held strong with my new favorite shoes. Besides, I'd worn them, I can't take them back now. So, I tried to remedy the situation by walking reeaaaaaaaaaly slow.

Scchhhhhhhhhqqquuuuuuuuuuuuueaaaakkkkkkkk!!!

Or maybe walk faster...

Schquk!! Schquk!!
Schquk!! Schquk!!
Schquk!! Schquk!!

Nothing is going to help my noisy shoes. So, I'll just sit at my desk all day.

Nope, I'm not going out for lunch today.

Nah, I don't want to walk over to CVS.

It's cool. I'm fine...sitting right here...in my cute...loud shoes.

Holla

Too Old For Top 40?

Popular music has become a joke. Maybe it was always a joke and now I'm just old enough to recognize it. We've got Fergie trying to keep her 'London Bridge' from falling, and the Pussycat Dolls asking Snoop to 'Loosen Up' their buttons, and each has millions of fans clamoring to buy their CD's. Cassie sings 'Me & U' to some guy that she plans on giving up her 'Goodies' to. Ciara has the whole Aaliyah vibe when she performs.

My elders would always say that everything goes around in cycles. So, it's alright for new artists to get inspiration from the artists of the past that did it well. But do we have to have duplicates existing at the same time? Does Gwen Stephanie have an agreement with Fergie to keep that suburban-white-girl-with-an-'urban'-edge image in the limelight while she tends to her newborn son. When Gwen comes back, will it be like an episode of Quantum Leap where the two selves can not exist in the same time dimension. Surely I'm not the only one that thinks these two singers are interchangeable.

Rihanna and Cassie, same thing. The good thing about the paper thin voiced singers is that when you sing their songs loud in your car, you sound JUST like them. How empowering is that?? I bought Amerie's last CD just so I could have something to sing in the car. I can't wait to go to Karaoke, I've even got the moves down. There are some CD's that I just refuse to buy. In fact, there are some that I wouldn't take if they were free. I'm not going to ever play 'Lean wit it Snap wit it' in my car and that song by Bubba Sparx, 'BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY EVERYWHERE' (I write it in caps because he yells that line), will not get airplay on my station.

The sad thing is that alot of these 'artists' are grown men and really should know better. Come on, how old are the Yin-Yang Twins. Shouldn't they be rapping about 401K's or taking their kids back to school shopping? Are they really living what they are singing? And if they are, should they be embarrassed? People always joke about the old guy in the club. But, in effect most of the popular rappers are just 'that old guy'.

And the women are no better. I don't want to see Toni Braxton try to outdance Beyonce. As impressed as I am with how fierce these older women look, I wish they'd just mature gracefully. Maybe give the young girls a glimpse of what longevity looks like. Pass the torch and keep it moving.

I would like to bring about a new rule in the music industry. Since most singers claim to write their own lyrics these days, I think they should only sing about things they are going through or have gone through within the last 5 years. So, if you don't have a license, you can't rap about your whips. If you are a 15 year old boy, then your songs could be about video games or pimples. If you are getting mail from AARP, stop rapping about hanging at the club.

Another new rule would be that two singers can NOT have the same image at the same time. I mean come on, where exactly IS Tearra Marie? She and Rihanna came out at the same time. Rihanna's image was all island girl. Then all of a sudden she broadened her image and bumped little TM out of the way. The record execs had to know that would happen. Why cannabalize your own profits? But, I digress...

Maybe my parents felt this way back in the day when the new music was hip-hop. Maybe they thought it was just as ridiculous as the song, 'Shake Somethin for the Camera Phone.' Nah, that song is just stupid.

I tried to get into it, but maybe I'm just too old for Top 40.

Holla

Been Away...

I hope you haven't felt neglected in my absence. It really feels like fall and I'm so bummed out about it so, I've been hibernating.

Here are a few things I'm into right now...

MTV Video Awards - Was I the only one that thought it was anti-climactic? Something about the heat in Miami made the show hotter. Beyonce's performance was hot. Besides the fact that she can actually sing, she really channeled my beloved Janet for that one.

The Wire - I caught the season premiere. It's on onDemand if you have digital cable. I still haven't gotten over the fact that there is no more Stringer Bell (Lawd that man is FINE!), but nonetheless, I'm excited for the new season. This is the best show on television. I wonder if people that are not from Baltimore appreciate how real it is. How much of the Carcetti storyline are they taking from O'Malley's actual ascent to Mayor?

Nip/Tuck - Sanaa Lathan is on the show now. She looks amazing. I can see it now, Christian is soo going to try to get with her. You'd have to be blind not to see this one coming.

Corrine Bailey Rae- I know. I'm soo late getting on this bandwagon, but her CD seemed really appropriate this weekend. It's kinda sad but soulful and heartfelt and earnest. It's my new day-to-day life soundtrack.

Garden Salsa Sun Chips - These chips are delicious. They taste kinda like Doritos, but they are better for you. The perfect accoutrement to a rainy day stuck in the house watching movies.

Sidney Poitier - I'd seen some of his movies, but with all of the movie remakes and other garbage in the theaters, I decided to watch some classics. Guess Who's Coming to Dinner. To Sir, With Love. For the Love of Ivy. I wasn't surprised to realize what a great actor he is. But, I was surprised to find out how timeless the movies were. Aside from the wardrobe in some cases, the situations and dialogue could take place in present day. You almost forget that you're watching films almost 40 years old.

Well, that's all I've got for now. Maybe you'll look at my list and decide to try something new or maybe you have suggestions for me to try.

Holla

Goodbye Summer

Even though summer doesn't technically end until the 3rd week in September, Labor Day is the unofficial end of my favorite season. This summer I worked way too much and didn't see the ocean. I'm soo bummed out. There were only a handful of occasions where I could wear my bikini. In my version of the ideal summer, I would LIVE in a bathing suit. If it wasn't for those scary hurricanes, I would seriously consider moving to a place where it's summer all year long.
There were some really fun highlights of this summer. My baby sister graduated from college. My puppy is finally housebroken. I received accolades at work. These were all awesome events but, I'm really not ready to say goodbye to summer.

I guess I'll spend the rest of the day dreaming about my favorite summers past. Now, I'll just ride out to the summer classic of my youth...Summertime by Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince...

summer summer time

holla

Should Men Cry?

On the radio this morning, the question of the day is 'Should Men Cry?' One of the DJ's said that he doesn't cry and he's taught his son's not to cry also. He said that crying is weak and no woman wants to be around a man that cries. Male and female callers are phoning in to voice their opinions on the subject.

I think men should be able to express their emotion and if crying is a result of that then that's fine. I think it can be unnerving to see anyone cry, man or woman. Sometimes you're caught between thinking you should reach out to comfort them to wondering if they want you to reach out to them. One of the men, that I saw cry, is the epitome of masculinity. My friends and I called him 'MAN'. When he cried, it was because he was really frustrated with some things that were going on in his life and he felt like he had little control over the outcome. Seeing him cry was difficult. I figured that if this man that can seemingly do everything, felt helpless then the situation must be worse than I ever knew. I let him cry on my shoulder for a minute or two. He composed himself and I never brought it back up to him or anyone else. I didn't think any less of him. The fact that he allowed me to see him in such a vulnerable state made him more endearing. Eventually, he was able to work through that rough situation and he came out on top. Even now, years later, after everything is all good I would never disrespect him by teasing him about how he broke down that day on my couch.

I think that's the big difference between men and women when it comes to crying. I've seen men be relentless toward a friend that has cried in front of them. I can understand why a man wouldn't want to cry. I've seen guys get teased years later about a moment of 'weakness'. Maybe if men felt more comfortable crying, they'd be more comfortable expressing other emotions.

On the flip side, sometimes I think women make it hard for a man to feel safe enough to express such extreme emotions. We want the man to be 'the man' and we can be very rigid about what that means. Maybe we need to develop a more holistic view about what man-ness is.

So, what do you think? Is it ok for a man to cry?


Holla

How Do You Wear Your Faith?

Yesterday as I was working through the series of incidents that prompted my rant, I asked God to make me tougher so that these kinds of things wouldn't affect me so much. I also tried to figure out exactly what it is about the woman that insulted me, that really gets under my skin. Then, it hit me. When she tries to compete with me and when she talks to me condescendingly, she does it all 'In Jesus' Name…Amen'. The incongruity of behaving negatively toward someone you consider a friend while rationalizing that you are 'just doing God's work.' Just doesn't sit well with me.

Then, I got to thinking about how I wear my faith. For me, it's like one of my Lacoste polo shirts. Modest, traditional and good quality. The logo is small enough that you have to get pretty close to see if it's real. Unless your close to me, you wouldn't know that I go to church nearly every Sunday, that I take tithing seriously or that I give money to causes I support and I give my time when I'm not being a workaholic. I still struggle with lots of things, like most believers do. I'm far from perfect.

There are some that think I should wear my faith like a Fubu sweatshirt. Extra large logo, bright color, you can see it from a mile away. I don't fault anyone that wears their faith in this way, it's just not for me. I'm not comfortable drawing that much attention. These people think this is a good way to witness to a large number of people. I'd rather witness to 100 people one at a time versus all at once. That's just me though. I think there's room for both types.

Then, there are those that wear their faith like a Gucci logo'd ball gown. Those in the know, know that Gucci doesn't make logo'd ball gowns. However, these believers are loud and get a lot of attention all 'in Jesus' name…Amen'. Those not in the know don't realize that they are transparent. Everyone has a different path toward salvation so, I can't knock someone for donning this ostentatious representation. This may just be part of their transformation.

I'm sure there are many more ways to wear your faith. These are only a few examples. After processing my feelings, I realized that even though the Gucci girl insults and offends me, I will continue to hold my tongue. Maybe in some weird way it's flattering that she has chosen me as a target. I am going to distance myself from her before she spills something on my nice polo shirt. :-)


Holla

I Don't Want to Compete

Warning: This is a rant.

I'm soo sick and tired of women competing with each other. I don't want to see another girl mean mug me when I'm out. I don't want to see another woman bite my style and claim it as hers. Do you hun! I don't want anyone to be jealous of me. I'm confident but, I do have flaws just like everyone else. And if you just chill and be my friend I'll probably tell you what they are. I'm not ashamed. You don't have to be conniving and manipulative to figure them out.

Save your haterade.

I don't want to compete with you. If I'm hot that doesn't cool your heat. Get a grip.

Woo Sah

Holla

The Faux Flirt

Recently, I've come into contact with a strange phenomenon called the Faux Flirt. I'd heard stories about this species but, had yet to lay my own eyes on one. This person will inquire about your dating status, compliment you on your looks and generally give off very attentive energy. Typically, with flirts, you get the impression that they are feeling you, this one may even lay it on a little thick. You can of course tell the difference between the casual flirt and the kind that actually may be interested in you. Like sincere flirts, the Faux Flirt is single and seemingly available to date. The only difference between the Faux Flirt and a real flirt is that the fake version will invest a great amount of time with no intention of actually 'closing the deal' or asking you out.

One could ask, well, why don't you seal the deal yourself? The reason you can't do that is because the fake flirt has pre-empted that move by either, pushing his friend off on you or giving you his email address.

The first option is obviously a dead end. You can't in good faith entertain the friend after you've spent a few hours vibing with his boy. The second option is a red-herring. You and he email each other a few times and the chemistry that you thought you had just dissipates. He never tries to elevate the communication to a higher level such as a phone call. This move lets you know that he is NOT interested and you should probably move on.

Scientists can not agree when this species first came into existence or what circumstances occured to create it. They just seemed to appear out of nowhere. It could be a product of global warming but the data is inconclusive. One thing that is indisputable is that meeting one can be confusing. You'll leave the encounter wondering how you could've read the signals incorrectly. The best way to deal with them is to just not take them too seriously, and consider it good practice for when a sincere flirt comes along.

Happy Flirting

Holla

Flavor of Love

We'll end this week long love fest with an affirmation that anyone can find love. I'm making reference to our present day minstrel show. Flavor of Love. Isn't reality TV great?

This is one of those shows that I watch and talk about in whispers with a select few co-workers on Monday mornings. After a new episode of Lost, I'll engage in a lively discussion with anyone that cares to. But, I'm actually embarrassed by this show. I watch it because I'm afraid not to. I need to know first hand how many years Flav is setting us back each week. What if I miss the week he takes us back to Jim Crow? That's not something you want to find out from your white colleague at the water cooler.

Oh, I forgot this post is about Love. So, I'll end with this… If a Flavor Flav, a man near 50 with 6 children by two women, whose claim to fame is cooning on stage while wearing a clock bigger than his head, can hope to find love, then surely we all can. You know what time it is!?

Holla

Being 'In Love' is a Choice

Contrary to popular belief love is not an accident that you just 'fall into'. There are deliberate choices that one makes on the way towards love. The thing is, sometimes choices can be so routine that we don't even realize we are choosing. For instance, this morning from the time I woke up until right now, I've probably made a hundred choices. Should I press the snooze bar again? What should I wear? What shoes go with that outfit? Which bus should I catch? Where should I sit on the bus? Where should I stand on the subway platform? Where should I sit once I'm on the subway? Should I read or listen to my iPod on the way? You get the picture. A ton of tiny choices are made that alone or combined change the result of my day. The same is true for love.

A lot of people confuse chemistry for being in love. Chemistry is something over which you have no control. You really can't help who you are attracted to. In our lifetimes we probably 'click' with many people. But, that's not enough to be in love with them. The conscious choice to be in love occurs when a person's defenses are down and they feel safe enough to take a risk. There are certain actions that a person looking for love will perform. He or she will try to get to know you. They'll share personal stories in hopes of building an intimate bond with you. All of this doesn't just happen by accident. It's quite deliberate. The phone calls, the dates, the trips all of it happens on purpose.

The fact that being in love is a choice is precisely why you can't make someone fall in love with you. However, I think you can provide a favorable atmosphere. But, ultimately it's up to the other person. The most important thing to remember is that it's not personal. If you have great chemistry with someone, you get along well, you spend a lot of time together and after about 20 dates they still tell you that they aren't 'falling in love' with you and they don’t think they will, they probably have issues that are preventing them from falling in love with anyone. So, don't feel bad. Keep your head up and keep it moving.

Anonymous Shout Out

This goes out to all of my anonymous people commenting on my blog. Thanks for your support. Tell a friend.

I do have on request though...could y'all come up with more creative names. Anonymous in NYC, or DC Anon. LOL

I know, I know, maybe that defeats the whole purpose of being anonymous, but are you trying to be anonymous to me or all the other readers?


Holla

I'm Right, You're Wrong, We Lose

To continue on with this week's spirit of love and healthy relationships, today's topic is about how to disagree without causing irreparable damage to your twosome.


We've all been there. The day is going swell, then all of a sudden you find yourself in the middle of an argument with your person. Not only are you in an argument, but he/she is telling you that you are 'WRONG' for feeling the way you do. Now, your incensed, how can your feelings be wrong?? You feel attacked and defensive. Even if you make up later, there is now a small chink in the armor of your relationship. Instead of a twosome guarding itself against the world, now, you feel like you've got to guard yourself a little bit from this person that claims to care about you. This is soo not a good place to be.


The rule I follow is this: Facts can be challenged, feelings can not.


If we play scrabble, and you come up with a word that I've never seen before, I can challenge that word. As part of the challenge, we can look up the word in an agreed upon standard source, the dictionary. The dictionary will prove that the word exists. The challenge is over. I know there may be times when the word is in the unabridged version or whatever, but, that's tangential to the topic. There is a standard source that can prove or disprove facts.


Feelings are another thing altogether. There is no standard feeling source. Each of us is made differently and molded uniquely by our circumstances and experiences. So, you and I may witness the same event and still feel differently afterwards. Neither of us is 'RIGHT' in our feelings. They are both right, maybe just different. Sometimes people try to pull in their friends and family as that standard source. The logic in doing that is flawed. The liklihood of your friends and family agreeing with your perception is very great because they probably have similar circumstances and experiences as you. Comparing your perception with that of your main squeeze is like comparing apples and oranges, they are different, but they both have nutritional value. One is not better than the other, in fact, you should probably include both in your diet.


The odds are, you got with your person because they complemented you. They have a perspective that is slightly different than yours. Instead of trying to beat them into submitting to life as you know it, embrace the differences. If you don't you'll both miss out on a significant opportunity to learn and grow.


The next time you have a disagreement with your main squeeze, think about this post. If you insist on being right, you leave no choice but for your person to be wrong.


Do you really want that?


Holla

What's Your Love Language?

We are all born with a specific way of interpreting and showing love. This is our love language. I learned of this term from my pastor. He'd been doing a series entitled 'Sex in the Summer' and in one of the 'episodes' he implored the couples (married couples especially) to figure out their partners love language in order to better communicate with them. The pastor got this concept from a book entitled The Five Love Languages - How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. On the author's website, he walks the reader through the 5 languages, which are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Reading through these got me to thinking about what my love language is and helped me to better understand some of the conflict I had in previous relationships.

For instance, I once dated someone who was constantly frustrated with me, saying things like, 'I don't FEEL loved'. I was baffled and pissed. Even though I communicated verbally and in writing my feelings for him, it wasn't what he needed. I took it as a rebuttal of all the things I did to show him how I felt. A slap in the face. But, I think his love language was Physical Touch which isn't mine. I felt disingenuous expressing myself that way and I felt like he was trying to change me. On the flip side, my primary love language is Words of Affirmation and I didn’t feel like I was getting that from him. It was like two ships passing in the night, in the day, just too often. So, you can imagine how unhappy and unfulfilled we were.

What I learned from my pastor and Gary Chapman's website is that there's nothing wrong with me for needing to hear Words of Affirmation to feel loved and there was nothing wrong with the young man I was involved with for needing Physical Touch. God made us that way. Oftentimes, in relationships we are made to feel like we have to defend the way we express ourselves and we shouldn't. The key is finding someone that is comfortable expressing him or herself in the way you need and value.

On the flipside you can meet someone that SEEMS to be communicating in your Love Language, but he/she is doing so unintentionally. For example, my secondary Love Language is Acts of Service. So, if a man does little things to make my life easier like washing my car; cleaning the snow off of it in the winter; or buying me trays because he knows I eat in front of the TV; I know now that I need to ask him what those actions mean to him.

Going back to my post on communication; I need to make sure that I receive the message that he intends to convey. I can’t just interpret it within my own context. If I do that, I might learn that he’s just a nice guy with a lot of time on his hands OR I might learn that he’s feeling me. So, take a few moments to figure out your Love Language. Then, don’t be shy about letting your mate know what it is.

Holla

An Ode To Love

This post is dedicate to the love found between my dear friend NU and her man OO. They've been literally joined at the hip since they met in the spring of 2005. He saw her salsa dancing and basically stalked her until we left that night. LOL Over the last year and a half, they've talked, traveled, disagreed, made up and loved. To commemorate their decision to spend the rest of their lives together, OO finally fell to his knees and proposed on a semi-secluded beach in Mexico. Of course she said yes and now the planning can officially begin.

I'm super happy for my girl. Stay tuned for posts about my life as a bridesmaid. Yes, NU I WILL blow you up on here if you turn into Bridezilla.

Peace and Love

Holla

Keyshia Cole - The Way It Is

Last night, the finale for the Keyshia Cole reality series aired on BET. I was NOT a fan of hers AT ALL when her first single came out. The song, 'I Should Have Cheated' didn't appeal to me and in my mind didn't really seperate her from the pack. I had seen the video for 'I Changed My Mind' months before and again, something about her presentation and imaging just didn't speak to me. I had the chance to hear her CD though, and I reconsidered my position. (Although, I still think she could use a good stylist). So, by the time her show came on BET I was a fan.

I think the show did a good job of breaking through the hard exterior and getting to what she's really about. I love the way she tries to be there for her family and I think she's really smart to understand that she can't change them. Some people spend years going down that road only to be frustrated and depleted. She's also bright enough to know that she can't allow them to sabotage her achievements. Her mother is a recovering crack addict and her sister is in the beginning stages of alcoholism. She could've easily been one of those people that grows up and 'forgets' where she came from. She's the cutest one in her family but never seems to act like it. I love that about her. I don't know what her real age is, but, she comes across as very mature and grounded.

Alot of people hate that song 'LOVE'. She does that funny thing with her voice on the chorus. It's unconventional but it's hard to deny the emotion in her voice. Everyone can't love everything I guess. But, she's got me as a fan. I also respect her struggle. When I hear middle class people complaining about their middle class issues, I think about the obstacles that face some people and how they're able to overcome them. They're attitude seems to be, 'It is what it is.' Why complain? I like that.

Holla

PSA - Don't Plagiarize

Plagiarism is rampant on the internet. Most people know that if you take an excerpt from a book that it must be properly referenced. Did you know that if you cut and paste excerpts from a website or blog and send it to all of your friends and neglect to reference the source, you are plagiarizing?

According to webster's the definition of plagiarizing is as follows:


Main Entry: pla·gia·rize

Pronunciation: 'plA-j&-"rIz also -jE-&-
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): -rized; -riz·ing
Etymology: plagiary
transitive verb : to steal and pass off (the ideas or words of another) as one's own : use (another's production) without crediting the source
intransitive verb : to commit literary theft : present as new and original an idea or product derived from an existing source
- pla·gia·riz·er noun

Pasted from www.merriam-webster.com


Don't be a thief. Credit your sources.

Thanks

Holla

Tuesday - 8/15/06

Coming up with blog ideas is easier than I thought it would be. Right now I have about 5 blog posts in draft form. It's almost too easy. I can't decide which one to go with. So, since I'm pretty busy at work today, I'll just get my work done and figure out what to post later.

Oh, maybe that's a good idea for a blog, Too Many Options. See what I mean? This could go on forever!

Holla

FW:

I hate forwards. I hate that someone thinks they can 'clean up' their inbox by dumping all of their junk emails into MY INBOX. It's rude. I get a zillion forwards a day from many different people. Last week I got a really informative one from a friend. It was about inflammatory breast cancer. A little known type of cancer that affects women. But, most of the forwards I get are just junk or hoaxes. In the time it takes you to complete your distro list, you can google the topic of the forward to see if it's a hoax. I think it's irresponsible to send out an email without checking the facts.

I think that because it's so easy to just press a button and send, people have forgotten the rules of email etiquette. So, to help you out, I've attached them for you below:

The following pasted from http://www.emailreplies.com/

What are the etiquette rules?
There are many etiquette
guides and many different etiquette rules. Some rules will differ according to
the nature of your business and the corporate culture. Below we list what we
consider as the 31 most important email etiquette rules that apply to nearly all
companies.
32 most important email etiquette tips:

1. Be concise and to the point


2. Answer all questions, and pre-empt further questions


3. Use proper spelling, grammar & punctuation


4. Make it personal


5. Use templates for frequently used responses


6. Answer swiftly


7. Do not attach unnecessary files


8. Use proper structure & layout


9. Do not overuse the high priority option


10. Do not write in CAPITALS


11. Don't leave out the message thread


12. Add disclaimers to your emails


13. Read the email before you send it


14. Do not overuse Reply to All


15. Mailings > use the bcc: field or do a mail merge


16. Take care with abbreviations and emoticons


17. Be careful with formatting


18. Take care with rich text and HTML messages


19. Do not forward chain letters


20. Do not request delivery and read receipts


21. Do not ask to recall a message.


22. Do not copy a message or attachment without permission


23. Do not use email to discuss confidential information


24. Use a meaningful subject


25. Use active instead of passive


26. Avoid using URGENT and IMPORTANT


27. Avoid long sentences


28. Don't send or forward emails containing libelous, defamatory, offensive, racist or obscene remarks


29. Don't forward virus hoaxes and chain letters


30. Keep your language gender neutral


31. Don't reply to spam


32. Use cc: field sparingly

Of course, when we are sending e-mails to our friends and family, we aren't always going to follow all of the rules. But, you should know that your friends and family are very annoyed by the forwards and they usually delete them without reading them. Now, I'm sure if they're anything like me, they'd love to receive real e-mail messages from you. Tell me how that date was the other night. Tell me what your plans are for the weekend. Just don't send me another forward.

Thanks!

Holla