Monday, September 18, 2006

Stripper School

There is a relatively new phenomenon in the fitness industry called Strip-Aerobics. There are dvd's, special classes and as I found out this weekend, whole gyms dedicated to getting you in shape and teaching you a lil somethin somethin. My girls and I went to Xpose on Saturday for their free intro class. As soon as we decided to go, there was a flurry of calls back and forth.

What do you wear to a stripping class?
Short shorts, tank top and heels.

Should you do any kind of before class prep?

So, in this class, there were about 40 women of all ages, shapes and ethnicities. Some were dressed modestly, a few, the Britney Spears wanna-bes, were not. Luckily, we were somewhere in between. Our teacher was an average looking girl with a stellar physique. She came equipped with her see-thru plastic platform hoe-stroll shoes, booty shorts and a t-shirt that said something like 'Real Girls like Poles'. We were impressed, she looked like a pro.

The class started off slow. She taught us the basics to get us warmed up. The dip, the rock and the hand trace. Then it was time for us to showcase our SEXYWALK. I've never done my SEXYWALK outside of my apartment. But on Saturday, I sashayed across the floor like the pro I am in my dreams. LOL Then, when I got to the poll I did this little dip I'd seen the girl do in Usher's Yeah video. It was awesome...a little runway with some Frederick's thrown in for spice.

After everyone practiced their walks, it was time for the floor work. We learned the cat, the figure 4, the Playboy, the butterfly and the peek-a-boo. I see why the good strippers earn the good tips, these moves are no joke. And to be able to do them without sweating and still look sexy is not easy. Once we had those mastered, the teacher showed us what they would look like on a chair. Impressive. Since it was the promo class, we didn't get our own chairs, so she told us to practice at home for our loved ones. I wonder how many babies were conceived that night?

The final demo was on the pole. The pole instructor was a cross between Serena Williams and Monique. Stop laughing! But yeah, that image you have in your head is right. An usual combo. Anyway, Serena-Monique strutted around that pole like it was The Rock. She gazed at it, then hoisted herself onto it and slid down like it had been greased with crisco. Then, she swung on it like a merry-go-round. We learned that pole work is really all in your arms. Those classes really build upper body strength. And get this, they have portable poles that you can practice on in your home! I heard many women inquiring about the logistics of that.

All in all, we gave the class a thumbs-up and we're definately going back. It was a fun way to get exercise and add some new tricks to the repertoire. Hopefully, I won't forget them before I have the opportunity to use them.

There is a side effect to being a woman of a certain age taking strip aerobics though. The next day, you ache in places that you didn't know you had. But, I don't think it's more than a nice warm bubble bath can heal.

...and why do I keep hearing Miami base mixed with that Kiya song in my head?

My neck,
My back...


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