Thursday, August 24, 2006

Being 'In Love' is a Choice

Contrary to popular belief love is not an accident that you just 'fall into'. There are deliberate choices that one makes on the way towards love. The thing is, sometimes choices can be so routine that we don't even realize we are choosing. For instance, this morning from the time I woke up until right now, I've probably made a hundred choices. Should I press the snooze bar again? What should I wear? What shoes go with that outfit? Which bus should I catch? Where should I sit on the bus? Where should I stand on the subway platform? Where should I sit once I'm on the subway? Should I read or listen to my iPod on the way? You get the picture. A ton of tiny choices are made that alone or combined change the result of my day. The same is true for love.

A lot of people confuse chemistry for being in love. Chemistry is something over which you have no control. You really can't help who you are attracted to. In our lifetimes we probably 'click' with many people. But, that's not enough to be in love with them. The conscious choice to be in love occurs when a person's defenses are down and they feel safe enough to take a risk. There are certain actions that a person looking for love will perform. He or she will try to get to know you. They'll share personal stories in hopes of building an intimate bond with you. All of this doesn't just happen by accident. It's quite deliberate. The phone calls, the dates, the trips all of it happens on purpose.

The fact that being in love is a choice is precisely why you can't make someone fall in love with you. However, I think you can provide a favorable atmosphere. But, ultimately it's up to the other person. The most important thing to remember is that it's not personal. If you have great chemistry with someone, you get along well, you spend a lot of time together and after about 20 dates they still tell you that they aren't 'falling in love' with you and they don’t think they will, they probably have issues that are preventing them from falling in love with anyone. So, don't feel bad. Keep your head up and keep it moving.

1 comment:

news2me said...

I just got engaged to a man that I choose to be in love with. So I have to agree with the title of this post. He and I talk about this often - because people change but the power of choice is always there and always an individual one. And we both know that part of the power that keeps us together is the conscious and daily choice to be with each other. It is a serious distinction to be made between being with someone and choosing to be with someone, because they sometimes get confused.

The reason that I'm sure being in love with him is a choice is because I dug deep in me to examine my relationship with him and my past relationships. He's not the first man I chose to be in love with. You act differently when you're choosing - you're more confident, you're more comfortable in your own skin, and you're clearer about what you want and what you don't want. As a matter of fact, other people around you feel that you are clearer.