Monday, October 09, 2006

Great Expectations

Most of us know that in life, when we expect the worst, that's usually what we'll get. But, how do you react when someone has expects the best of you? Are surprised? Do you try to meet their expectations or do you think something is wrong with them for being so optimistic?

I consider myself an optimistic realist. I know bad things can happen but, I hope for the best. That same MO applies when I meet new people. But, I've found that some people, men especially, don't know how to respond to a woman that expects great things from them. It's funny because, a lot of men will get on a woman's case if she is bitter about past experiences and thinks all men are trifling dogs. But then, that's what they expect. Black women are arguably the least desirable of any group on the planet. We're supposedly overweight, bitter, gold diggers, promiscuous women with bad attitudes. I'm none of those things, so according to some people, I'm 'different' than my sisters. I always argue that there are a lot of women that don't fit that horrible stereotype. And there are plenty that are fans of the black man. Then, I follow that up with the same argument I'd have with a girlfriend that says all men are dogs. If you think all black women are a certain way, that says more about your maturity and choices than it does about the women you're criticizing.

I think it also says a lot about a person's motivating factors. Some people like being the underdog. They like to prove you wrong. 'Oh you think all men are XYZ, then I'll be just the opposite to prove you wrong.' This might speak to a man's competitive nature. Some men like to feel like they've overcome a hurdle to be with you. They've earned their spot. That's cool and all, if that's what gets you going. But, wouldn't it be nice to meet someone that from the beginning treats you with respect and support and expects you to be honest and loyal and generous and humble? What if you didn't have those first 6 months of proving that you were a good man. What if instead, she thought you were a good man until you did something to mess it up. Isn't that a novel idea?

People have said that I live in a bubble. I find that insulting. Just because I can be optimistic, doesn't mean that I haven't had my share of disappointments. That's one of my blessings so, I'm going to ignore all the negativity and continue to have great expectations. Who knows, maybe it'll catch on.


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