New Toy

So, I got a new toy last night. A 30GB iPod. I figure this could be considered a christmas present to myself. That's my justification.

So, anyway, why was I up until the wee hours loading all of my favorite music onto it?? This was no easy task. I found myself prioritizing my music. Artists I can't live without, Diana Ross, Lauryn Hill (Miseducation era), Jill Scott, Michael Jackson, Al Green, Jay Z, Talib Kweli. Then there was the chillaxin music, Musiq, Dwele, Harry Connick, Jamiroquai. And for my spiritual side, I have to add that Kirk Franklin - Hero and all of my Mary Mary.

But, I couldn't forget about my old school favorites,

'This is it what. Lucini from the sky. Let's get rich what...'

Camp Lo. Yep, I bought that CD. I loved that song, gotta upload that. And what about the Lost Boyz? Jeeps, Lex Coups, Bimaz & Benz and Renee. That Legal Drug Money CD was the bomb. And what about Salt & Peppa, I can't forget them. I can create my own Hip Hop Honors playlist. This is dope!

It seems like every few years, I have a new life soundtrack. So, while I was sitting there sorting through CD's, I couldn't help but reminisce about what I was doing when those songs came out. And if the memories were good, I just added it to the playlist. In a way, I can edit my life movie with this new toy. I can leave the unpleasant memories on the CD shelf. I don't have to carry them with me. How great is that? :-)

I'm no where near finished with my little project. I've still got a zillion memories to upload.

Holla

The Wire Episode #49

Incredible. I know I've said a zillion times how awesome this show is. But, each week I'm soo blown away. "It don't get no realer, son."

Politics - The investigator can't uncover the bodies because of the stats.

F the Police - You're gonna look out for me? For me? You got my back, huh? Last line of the episode. Is there any wonder why people are afraid to 'do the right thing'?

Namond's mom - Is she off the hook or what? She called her only child every name but a child of God. He's just not cut out for 'the game' and God bless him for it. Hopefully Bunny can rescue him. He's still redeemable.

Good Michael/Bad Michael - His plot line breaks my heart the most. This is what happens to a smart young man when life shows him that he can't trust anyone but himself. The damage is immeasurable.

I think there's only one more episode in this season. Usually at the end of each season we get some kind of closure on at least one of the main plot lines. I don't see that happening in Episode 50. That makes me so sad. But, that's life, you don't get always get closure...or a happy ending.


Holla


P.S. Was that security guard Robert Erlich?

Monday Blues

Bebe Moore Campbell passed away today. She was a great author whose books I really enjoyed reading. She died of brain cancer. She was only 56. How sad...

Holla

Thanksgiving

We have a tradition in my family where at Thanksgiving dinner, everyone has to go around the table and say what they are thankful for. Most of us try to come up with something simple to avoid prolonging the feast. If I were to hold everyone up by naming each of the things I'm thankful for, everyone would faint from hunger.

I'm thankful for my family. That I have 3 sisters that I like and enjoy spending time with. That my mom is finally taking her health seriously. I'm thankful that my stepdad loves her no matter what. I'm thankful that my grandmom is still around. She's a pistol, but, I really appreciate her. I'm thankful that I have friends that have my back. Friends that will stick up for me without me knowing it. Friends that will say, 'that sounds fun.' when I come up with crazy activities for us to do.

I'm thankful that I have a job. A good job, where the people are fair with me. There was a time when I didn't have that, so, I feel overwhelmingly blessed now.

I'm sure I could come up with a million minute details of my life that I'm thankful for. But, I'll spare you that.

Hope you enjoyed your thanksgiving...

Holla

Celebrity Hit List

Most people have a Celebrity Hit List (CHL). This is a list of celebs that you'd hook up with if you had the chance. I think a person's list says a lot about what kind of people they're attracted to. For example, on my list are Idris Elba (an actor from The Wire - for you non-wire folks out there), Dr. Burke (Gray's Anatomy), Nelly, The Rock and TI. From this list, it's safe to deduce a few things about my likes. I like men with an abundance of melanin. If you're melanin challenged, like the Rock, you should definately have a nice body. If you don't have a nice body, like TI, you should definately have a confident swagger. All of these men portray an image of being smart, confident and pretty secure with themselves.

Now, what if I asked a guy I'm dating for his CHL and he had Gabrielle Union, Tamala Jones, Toni Braxton and Kelly Rowland in prominent positions? I'd think ok, cool. I'm in that range. They're all in my complexion range. They all have figures similar to mine. They're all kind of low key but still cute or even sexy to some. But, what if he said that his list contained Beyonce, Eva Mendes, Jessica Rabbit, Rihanna and that girl from the Pussy Cat Dolls? I'd probably sit there and wonder, what does he see in me, if those women are his ideal?? In the back of my mind, I'd probably store this little tidbit away.

Why would a man consider dating a woman that didn't come close to his ideal? Could it be because he doesn't think he can actually 'pull' his ideal, so he'll settle for somebody out of scope? Or maybe it's something totally different. I have no idea how men think when it comes to this.

I do know that men fall in love with women they find attractive and women become more attracted to men that they are in love with. So, our list isn't based on physical attraction alone. We include all kinds of intangibles like swagger, whether or not he's cheated on his celeb mate, sense of humor and other things like that. Whereas most guys I know don't even have to know the woman's name to add her to the list. LOL

So maybe you should ask your person who's on their CHL. Then ask them if they think you have anything in common with the people on that list. Let me know how that goes...

Holla

Priced Out of the Market

One of my girlfriends recently accepted a very lucrative position. Of course, we're all very happy for her and proud of her. She's worked hard and deserves this opportunity. However, after the initial congratulations, we began talking about how lucky she is to already be engaged with a date set. You see, we have reason to believe that if she were single, she'd be pricing herself out of the dating market with this new position. The media is quick to tout the statistics that the higher black women move up the corporate ladder the slimmer their chances are of finding a mate.

I've heard plenty of men say that they don't have a problem with their woman making more money than them as long as the woman doesn't 'flaunt' it. I think deep down, most good men want to be the providers for their families. I also think that the person with the higher income can slip into a money power trip without meaning to. Unfortunately, when the man has the money power trip, it's expected, therefore not a big deal. But, when the woman does it, it's emasculating.

This is going to sound very retro and possibly anti-feminist, but, I don't think women can 'have it all'. Society is just not built to support us in that way. I think that it's hard to near-impossible to nurture yourself, your family AND your career. Something's going to fall by the wayside. Sometimes, we end up neglecting ourselves. We stop eating right, we don't make time to hit the gym, we don't make our monthly spa visit and we miss out on opportunities to feed our spirit.

As a woman of a certain age, considering the next stage in my life, I'm seriously troubled by the fact that my career success may translate into a relationship roadblock. How can I make it all work? My typical MO is to playdown my resume. Early on in the dating sequence, I've stopped mentioning that I have a graduate degree. Since most people not in IT don't really understand much about IT, instead of saying that I manage multi-million dollar software development projects, I just say I work on computers. LOL When I get raises and bonuses, I celebrate with my girlfriends. It's funny though, because guys that I date will share all of this information with me within the first few dates and the result is just as they expect it to be. I'm impressed and happy for them.

This all makes me think of that Jill Scott song, the one where she talks about how she can do all this stuff around the house, she can raise a child, etc. But, she still needs a man around. (The song is The Fact Is (I Need You). It's track 4 on the last CD) That's how I feel. I can deliver exceptional impromptu presentations at work, but, I still leave half empty bottles of water all around my apartment. I don't know why. (I started buying those little kid bottles so that I wouldn't have any leftovers. ;-))I just do. I am an awesome mentor to my junior team members. But, my red car has a layer of dirt on it so thick, it looks burgundy because I'm not good at the whole car washing thing. I have digestion problems, so I need somebody to rub my tummy every now and then. Sure, I could pay to have all this stuff done. But I don't want to. I want my man to do it. I just hope I don't price myself out of the market.

Holla.

Wednesday Ramblings 11/15/2006

Have you ever had one of those moments where you find out the truth about a situation and it really blows your mood? Well, I had one of those moments and I thought I was going to talk about it. And maybe I will, one day, but I don't have words now. But, it sure is bumming me out.

Wasn't that something about Gerald Levert? I was not a big fan of him or his music but, it's sad for such a young man to die like that. Of course the fat people are equating his passing to the athletes that have heart attacks. Is this really the same situation?

I was also shocked to hear about Ed Bradley. I actually liked him. He seemed really cool and smart. He really kept his illness on the DL. He probably didn't want people to feel sorry for him. I can respect that.

Is there any good news to speak about? Well, I'm going to the DR in 2 weeks. I'm really excited. I was working alot this year and didn't make it to the beach once, so I'm glad to be able to get it in before year's end. The means I only have 2 weeks to get in shape. AARRRRRGGGGHHH the stress of it all Excuse me while I go do some squats.

Holla

Monday Update

I had a very interesting 2nd anniversary weekend. On Friday a sudden change in plans led me to a happy hour with my sister and her friends. She and I don't get to hang out often so, it was nice to spend time with her and get to know her friends. We ate, drank and danced a little. I realized that I'm a younger man magnet. Why weren't these same kind of guys trying to talk to me when I was in my 20's? Maybe because I looked 12 then. Whatever.

Saturday, I vegged out most of the day then spent the other half in search of the perfect pair of jeans. I don't know why but, I think the perfect pair of jeans will make my life so much easier. I have over 30 pairs in my closet that seem to say otherwise though. At any rate, I settled on a pair of Joe's Jeans to be my denim elixir for the next few months.

Skating was a blast. Overall, it was a very chill crowd. There were a few standouts though. Like the man in the black and gold biker shorts, yellow headband and braid down his back. We couldn't really knock him though, he was a great skater. Then there were the regulars. This was a group of guys that basically dominated the rink. They were doing all kinds of tricks and moves. They were the bomb. I set out to learn how to do all the stuff they were doing. The only difference is that I did mine on the carpet. Hey, you've gotta start somewhere. After my first few times around the rink, most of my old Shake & Bake skills came back. It was a great workout too. I'll post a pic of my warm up routine tomorrow.

Well, I'm going back to sleep now. I'll post again later. I've got alot to talk about...

Holla

ETA: The pix I promised

Wednesday Ramblings

Whatever happened to tube socks? Do you know they are not sold anywhere anymore? I even looked online and I can't find any. Y'all know I have a thing about dressing for my events and I really wanted to wear a cute little retro tee, a denim mini and some tube socks for my little roll/bounce bday party on saturday. How cute would that be? Well, it doesn't look like it's gonna happen. I may have to sub with some regular tall knit socks instead. We'll see.

Can I just say that I am soo in love with Robin Thicke right now. That song 'Lost W/out You' is the bomb. I'm about to download the CD.

I'm lost without you

Can't help myself

How does it feel

To know that I love you baby

Lyrics of the song Lost Without You on the album The Evolution of Robin Thicke

I just love it. The way he sings it is so vulnerable and it has a kind of yearning feeling about it...without being all needy and stalkerish. LOL

That's sexy.

Holla

Low Key This Year

My birthday is coming up and I've gotten alot of messages from people asking me what I'm doing this year because they want to be included. Back in the day my friends and I would throw pretty elaborate birthday combinations. We have fall birthdays and we loved to plan combined events to maximize the fun and minimize the cost. Last year, I decided that I wasn't having birthdays anymore. I watched this show featuring Mariah Carey and she said that she has 'Anniversaries' instead. I instantly loved that idea and adapted it to my own life. So, this will be my second anniversary.

This year, all I really want to do is go rollerskating and get dressed up to go out to eat. I'm playing it low key this year. After a certain number of birthdays don't you have all the stuff you want already anyway?

Oh, but don't sleep, I'm still taking off a day of work. I said I was going low key. Not non-existent.

Holla

The Wire #45

I watched episode 45 of the Wire last night. I won't spoil it for anyone but, I think it's pretty obvious that Michael has been abused which explains his standoffish attitude towards Cutty. I think young Randy is gonna get killed once everyone finds out that he's been snitching. Speaking of Randy, his last name is Wagstaff, when Method Man was on the show, his last name was Wagstaff too. Is Randy his son?

I'll end now so that I don't give anything away for everyone that'll be watching the show on Sunday. Post comments after you've seen it.

Holla

America's Most Dangerous Cities

I was really scared to peek at the list. I didn't want to see my hometown on there. Now, I'm not saying things aren't bad there, but, it ain't on the list folks. Check it out...


Information From AP -- Compiled By Morgan Quitno Press
10. Gary, Ind.
9. Youngstown, Ohio
8. Oakland, Calif.
7. Cleveland, Ohio
6. Birmingham, Al.
5. Camden, N.J.
4. Compton, Calif.
3. Flint, Mich.
2. Detroit, Mich.
1. St. Louis, Mo.

Pasted from <http://blackvoices.aol.com/black_news/canvas_directory_headlines_features/_a/americas-10-most-dangerous-cities/20061030090909990001>

The Radar

Imagine an air traffic control terminal. There is a blue screen, a few dots sprinkled about and a glowing white vertical line that sweeps back and forth across the semi-circle shaped screen. Each time the line passes across the smattering of dots, there is a very calming beep. However, when one of those dots, moves towards the edge of the screen, an alarm goes off.

This is the male radar. And ladies, we are the dots. I think men have an internal mechanism that psychically checks the status of each of the dots, or loves, in their past. As long as you're single when the monitor line passes over you, he'll hear a calming 'beep'. However, the minute you start dating someone that is of value and that you might start digging, his alarm goes off. Of course, since this mechanism is sub-conscious, he doesn't know why he's calling you out of the blue. He just felt compelled to call you to 'see how you're doing'. Or he was just thinking about that time when you and he went on vacation and how nice it was. To the younger woman, this can be confusing. Does he like me still? Does he want to get back together? Etc.

Once a woman reaches a certain age, she knows all about The Radar. She knows that once he's loved her, on some level he'll always feel like she's partly his. She also knows that his alarm can and will go off, even when he's happily involved with someone else. The alarm call, doesn't mean he wants you back, he just senses that he's about to not be able to ever have you again. You see, even if they don't want you, sometimes people like to know that you're there 'just in case'. I know, it sounds crazy, but, it's real, trust me on this.

Sometimes, the alarm is based on a signal to the man that his window of regret is closing. Surely, you've ended at least one relationship on bad terms where the guy was an @ss. You went away frustrated. Analyzing it with your girls, 'how could he do something like that?' What you don't know is that he realizes that he was a jerk but, pride has kept him from apologizing. Then, before he knew it, a week became a month which became a year. You've worked through it, chalked it up and moved on. And the minute you stepped towards the edge of his screen, he is ravaged with regret and he wants to tell you what a mistake he made.

I'm sure there are other reasons for the alarm. I think most men of a certain age can and will analyze their own behavior to figure out the best way to proceed when the alarm goes off. Instead of calling you, they may go and have a drink with the fellas. Who knows.

Ladies, there's nothing we can do about the radar. If you were lucky enough to have found love then unfortunate enough to have lost it, you may get an alarm call every now and then. You just need to know what's really going on and react accordingly.

Holla

Happy Monday

I took a much needed rest this weekend. It was fabulous! I caught up on my Battlestar Gallactica episodes on On Demand. I washed 6 loads of clothes, finally returned those things sitting by my door, bought a new iron and hung out with my girl. Pretty chill and uneventful.

Then the weirdest thing happened. First, let me give you the backstory. Rewind the clock to the early spring. He was rude, I called him on it. He wasn't trying to hear me. We broke up and it wasn't pleasant. In the interim, no contact in either direction. Until Saturday, he sends a text message, 'Can I borrow a dvd?'. When I saw the message, I was confused. Surely homeboy wasn't sending me a text after 6 months of not speaking...to ask for one of my dvd's. So, you're probably wondering how I replied. I thought of a few really clever quips but, I didn't send them. Afterall, I don't respond to messages from strangers. LOL I think this storyline might develop further, I'll post what happens.

What was the dvd? Does it matter? You can get basically any DVD you want from Target nowadays.

That was just really random.

Holla

I'm back

I totally over scheduled myself this month. I've done 2 cancer walks, 2 birthday celebrations, 1 chair dance class, 1 pole class, 2 brunches, 3 dinners and 1 trip to the salvation army. Next month, I am going to chill...for real.

I've got a dilemma and I'm not sure how to handle it. The girl that sends the forwards now sends these 'Words of Wisdom' emails every day. About a year ago, I asked her to take me off of her distro list. I don't mind the personal emails, but the forwards and the not so wise words of wisdom annoy the heck out of me. The mails stopped for a few months, but, now I'm getting them again. For a while, I was just deleting the mails without reading them. Lately, I've been thinking, why should I have to do that if I didn't want the mail in the first place?? I don't want to hurt the girls feelings but, I'm tired of being inconvenienced. I know if I confront her, I'm going to sound annoyed and maybe not so nice. What would you do?

Holla

Superstition

Happy Friday the 13th!

Be careful not to step on any cracks, else you break your mother's back.

Watch out for black cats crossing your path.

Don't sweep anyone's feet, but if you do, spit on the broom so they won't go to jail.

What are some of the crazy, nonsensical superstitions that you grew up hearing?

Holla

ETA:

I had to call my mom to get more of those crazy superstitions she told us when we were kids. Here's what she came up with:

• Don't brake a mirror, else you'll get 7 years of bad luck.
  Don't buy a man a pair of shoes, else he'll walk away from you.
• For that matter, don't give him a watch, else he realize it's TIME to leave you. (can't help but laugh at that one.)
  Don't open an umbrella indoors. I don't know what bad thing will happen if you do that.
  If you spill salt, you must throw some over your right shoulder. Please don't ask me why.
• If it rains while the sun remains shining, it means the devil is beating his wife. I bet y'all didn't know that Lucifer was married did ya?
• You must flush shedded hair, if you throw it in the garbage, you will get a migraine because the birds, I guess at the landfill, will peck it. I know, don't ask.
  And finally, if while walking down the street with a companion the two of you walk on opposite sides of a pole, you MUST say PEANUT BUTTER/JELLY and I haven't the slightest idea why.

They Don't Really See Me

When you go to the eye doctor, they do a test where they show you a row of letters, usually black, on a white background, and you have to let the doctor know when the letters comes into focus for you. Once you've taken the test many times, you know that the biggest letter on the first line is the letter E. Because you've seen it before, sometimes, your mind compensates for the fact that it's not in focus and allows you to 'see' it even though it's very blurry. I think being black in a mostly white environment is like being that out of focus big letter 'E'.

I work in an office with 2, no make that 3 black people. There is one other black woman and a black man. None of us look alike. This week, we have an in-office visitor, a black woman from another office. In the black community, no one would say that we resemble one another. However, today, when I returned from a team lunch, the project Big Cheese said to me, 'Hey, good to see you. How was your flight?'

I stopped, gave him a quizzical look and replied, 'This would make a great skit for 'The Office'.' He chuckled.

'I was just kidding. I knew it was you.'

I gave him a smile that said, 'sure you did buddy.'

The Office is a popular show around these parts. The often politically incorrect jokes make many of my co-workers feel that they are not alone in their stupidity.

It's not like BC doesn't have a personal relationship with me. Oh wait, maybe it's just me that has the relationship with him. We had one on one conversations many many times. I think the issue is that maybe he only knows me in the context of being the smaller black girl in the office. Now that there are two smaller black girls, he's just confused, right? I know he doesn't think that we ALL look alike, right? I really think that unless you have an intimate relationship with a white person, they don't really 'see' you. You're just a blur that they know in a particular context. That intimate relationship can be physical, emotional, mother/child, or the like.

It was soo funny when he realized his mistake, he was quite embarrassed. I wasn't really offended, I've been the only or one of a few chips in the corporate America cookie for a long time. As long as he doesn't get me mixed up with anyone when he's assigning promotions next year, I'm cool.


Holla

Great Expectations

Most of us know that in life, when we expect the worst, that's usually what we'll get. But, how do you react when someone has expects the best of you? Are surprised? Do you try to meet their expectations or do you think something is wrong with them for being so optimistic?

I consider myself an optimistic realist. I know bad things can happen but, I hope for the best. That same MO applies when I meet new people. But, I've found that some people, men especially, don't know how to respond to a woman that expects great things from them. It's funny because, a lot of men will get on a woman's case if she is bitter about past experiences and thinks all men are trifling dogs. But then, that's what they expect. Black women are arguably the least desirable of any group on the planet. We're supposedly overweight, bitter, gold diggers, promiscuous women with bad attitudes. I'm none of those things, so according to some people, I'm 'different' than my sisters. I always argue that there are a lot of women that don't fit that horrible stereotype. And there are plenty that are fans of the black man. Then, I follow that up with the same argument I'd have with a girlfriend that says all men are dogs. If you think all black women are a certain way, that says more about your maturity and choices than it does about the women you're criticizing.

I think it also says a lot about a person's motivating factors. Some people like being the underdog. They like to prove you wrong. 'Oh you think all men are XYZ, then I'll be just the opposite to prove you wrong.' This might speak to a man's competitive nature. Some men like to feel like they've overcome a hurdle to be with you. They've earned their spot. That's cool and all, if that's what gets you going. But, wouldn't it be nice to meet someone that from the beginning treats you with respect and support and expects you to be honest and loyal and generous and humble? What if you didn't have those first 6 months of proving that you were a good man. What if instead, she thought you were a good man until you did something to mess it up. Isn't that a novel idea?

People have said that I live in a bubble. I find that insulting. Just because I can be optimistic, doesn't mean that I haven't had my share of disappointments. That's one of my blessings so, I'm going to ignore all the negativity and continue to have great expectations. Who knows, maybe it'll catch on.

Holla

Speaking in Tongues

I'm still trying to process an experience I had in church on Sunday. There was a point in the service where the pastor asked us to hold hands and pray together. This was especially helpful to me because my heart has been heavy with a family issue over the past few weeks. So, I'm holding hands with my group and praying for strength when the woman next to me sees that I'm upset and begins to pray for me. That was fine. I can always use more prayers. Then, as she starts to get revved up, I hear something like...

"Boom shack alacka sheemus"

On reflex, I opened my eyes. Did she really just say that? Then, I admonished myself for the chuckle that I felt coming on. "Lord, please forgive me", I said. I have never heard anyone speak in tongues up close before. And to be honest, I felt a little uncomfortable, and I don't know why.

I'm an introspective person, so, public personal displays aren't really my forte. But, I can't judge another persons expression to the almighty. Occasionally at my church, someone will shout or yell "Hallelujah". I often wonder what it's like to have that kind of feeling wash over me. When I feel especially humbled or blessed, the tears will flow, but, that's about it. Am I not really feeling it? I'm inclined to believe that God made me the way I am and that's fine. I still can't help but wonder what it's like for the people on the other side.

Is speaking tongues a gift? Or is it like skatting in jazz. You just make up words to express a feeling? I know it's viewed differently by different denominations. I want to be clear that I'm not making fun of that woman. After she prayed for/with me, she said, "everything is gonna be ok." I believe that. Surely God put her in my circle for a reason and I respect that.

The funny thing is, I watch all of the supernatural movies and I know that miracles and unexplainable things can happen by the grace of God. When I see things happen in real life, why do I question it? Was this one of those events?

I have to ponder this some more.

Holla

First Date Don'ts from My Archives

A friend of mine was prepping for a first date last week. While we were talking about his plans, I gave him tips based on some of the worst dates I've been on. I figured I'd share my top 3 bad dates/outings with all of you.

Go easy on the ketchup.
Mr. Ketchup and I went to a popular pizza restaurant for dinner. When the waitress came over and asked if we wanted an appetizer. He asked for the restaurant's appetizer sampler platter. I whispered to him that I didn't want an appetizer. He said, 'that's cool. This is for me.' I said, 'the whole thing?' he said 'yeah'. Not wanting to judge, I proceeded to order my food. When the appetizer platter came, the guy asked the waitress for ketchup. I looked at him b/c I had never known anyone to put ketchup on loaded potato skins, buffalo wings and mozzarella sticks. When I asked him about it, he just said, 'I like ketchup.' Alrighty then, the plate was covered in ketchup, I could barely see the food underneath.

The moral of the story: Show your good table manners. Save the ketchup finger licking for a later date. While you're at it, put a little distance between your face and your plate.

Poop at home.
Mr. Poop got his name because after eating the dinner he prepared at my place, he disappeared into my bathroom for about 20 minutes. Now, I don't keep magazines in my bathroom. I like to get in and get out. I'm not much for lounging on the toilet. So, after about 7 or 8 minutes, I went near the door and asked if everything was alright. He said yeah, so I went back to watching TV, but, I was thinking, 'This fool is gonna have to get his Poop Butt up outta my place.' How do you tell someone that you don't want to see him anymore because he had a BM on your first date? I couldn't figure it out, so, I just stopped answering his calls. I figured after 3 calls, he'd get the message. Unfortunately, he didn't. He proceeded to call me about once a week for about 6 months.

Moral of the story: Go at home. If you absolutely HAVE to poop at your date's house before y'all are comfortable with each other. Please PLOP & FLUSH immediately, that minimizes the smell.

187 is not just a number.
Many years ago, my girl and I had gone out to a club to dance our booties off. While we were there, we ran into some of her friends from back in the day. The guys seemed cool in a friendly kind of way, not in a romantic way. At least for me, there was no love connection. Since we were having fun bugging out, we decided to go get some after the club food. So, we're sitting up in IHOP and we all started talking about work and stuff like that. Then dude proceeds to tell me that he's trying to make a new life for himself. I'm all about positivity, so I was like, 'yo, that's cool.' Then, he said that he had been 'away' for a while. Being the sheltered nerd that I am, I said something like, 'oh, were you on vacation?' Dude proceeds to tell me that he had been locked up. Now, I understand how our brothers can get caught up in the system for dumb stuff, I asked him what he was in for. That's when he told me that he had 'taken somebody out' but 'it was justified'. I immediately lost my appetite and started ducking every time a car drove by the restaurant window slowly. He and his friend asked my girl, 'yo, what's up with your girl?' I said something dumb like 'I get seizures when I'm sleepy'. As soon as we were out of there, I reamed my girl for having me hang out with ex-cons. Now, whenever I meet any of her friends, I'm sure to ask her how she knows them and if they've done any time.

Moral of the story: Keep the first date light. Feel the person out first before spilling your sordid history.

Dates are all about making a good first impression, especially first dates. So, relax and be yourself. Save your bad habits til at least the 2nd date. :-)

Holla