One of my girlfriends recently accepted a very lucrative position. Of course, we're all very happy for her and proud of her. She's worked hard and deserves this opportunity. However, after the initial congratulations, we began talking about how lucky she is to already be engaged with a date set. You see, we have reason to believe that if she were single, she'd be pricing herself out of the dating market with this new position. The media is quick to tout the statistics that the higher black women move up the corporate ladder the slimmer their chances are of finding a mate.
I've heard plenty of men say that they don't have a problem with their woman making more money than them as long as the woman doesn't 'flaunt' it. I think deep down, most good men want to be the providers for their families. I also think that the person with the higher income can slip into a money power trip without meaning to. Unfortunately, when the man has the money power trip, it's expected, therefore not a big deal. But, when the woman does it, it's emasculating.
This is going to sound very retro and possibly anti-feminist, but, I don't think women can 'have it all'. Society is just not built to support us in that way. I think that it's hard to near-impossible to nurture yourself, your family AND your career. Something's going to fall by the wayside. Sometimes, we end up neglecting ourselves. We stop eating right, we don't make time to hit the gym, we don't make our monthly spa visit and we miss out on opportunities to feed our spirit.
As a woman of a certain age, considering the next stage in my life, I'm seriously troubled by the fact that my career success may translate into a relationship roadblock. How can I make it all work? My typical MO is to playdown my resume. Early on in the dating sequence, I've stopped mentioning that I have a graduate degree. Since most people not in IT don't really understand much about IT, instead of saying that I manage multi-million dollar software development projects, I just say I work on computers. LOL When I get raises and bonuses, I celebrate with my girlfriends. It's funny though, because guys that I date will share all of this information with me within the first few dates and the result is just as they expect it to be. I'm impressed and happy for them.
This all makes me think of that Jill Scott song, the one where she talks about how she can do all this stuff around the house, she can raise a child, etc. But, she still needs a man around. (The song is The Fact Is (I Need You). It's track 4 on the last CD) That's how I feel. I can deliver exceptional impromptu presentations at work, but, I still leave half empty bottles of water all around my apartment. I don't know why. (I started buying those little kid bottles so that I wouldn't have any leftovers. ;-))I just do. I am an awesome mentor to my junior team members. But, my red car has a layer of dirt on it so thick, it looks burgundy because I'm not good at the whole car washing thing. I have digestion problems, so I need somebody to rub my tummy every now and then. Sure, I could pay to have all this stuff done. But I don't want to. I want my man to do it. I just hope I don't price myself out of the market.
Holla.
