So, I was talking to my best friends about my latest dating exploits. Long story short. I think I'm living in the Twilight Zone. Nothing is what it seems to be.
So, I go on the date, we laugh, we joke, we have effortless conversation. He tells me about a cool sushi place that he'd like to take me (2nd date?). Then the next day, he fades into the ether. But, before he completely disappears, he calls. "Hey, how's your day going? Holla back when you get this message."
I holla...and it echoes off the walls of an infinite abyss.
When I convey my stories like this to my coupled friends, they say things like,
"Well, maybe you weren't open." or
"Maybe you only thought he was having a good time." or
"Maybe your guy won't be this ambitious, socially aware, super bright guy that you think is ideal. Maybe your guy is going to be blue collar."
The unspoken message behind all of these warm and compassionate rejoinders is that it's me. I'm the problem.
I wasn't myself on the date or
I'm delusional or
My standards are too high and I should settle for something less than my ideal.
(and for the record, blue collar guys have no problem rejecting people too)
That's all bogus!
I know that they mean well. But, it's insulting. I'm not the problem. I'm not even going to say that the guy is always the problem. Sometimes it just is what it is. They're not that into you. I've been not that into people before. That's life. But, this dating thing is very different than it used to be. The only rule is that there are no rules. Every guy that doesn't call isn't a jerk. Every one that does isn't a good catch. Sometimes, we're supposed to call them. But, sometimes we're not. Ask questions up front...but don't ask too many. It's all very confusing.
The bottom line is there are people who basically break all the rules and still end up with somebody that would drink their bathwater. And then there are those of us who are trying to put our best foot forward and keep striking out. It's not fair, but, hey that's the way it goes, right? It's annoying but I can live with it. I try not to take it personally, but, when you start implying that there are things I should be doing differently, that sends the message that maybe I should be taking it personally. I know you don't mean to make me feel bad, so, I have a tip for all you coupled people with single friends...
When they come to you with another jacked up dating story. Just listen. Then acknowledge the F'd-upness of it all and make plans to take them out to dinner or hang out to get their mind off of it.