Thursday, September 06, 2007

Not Losing a Friend

The thing about good girlfriends is that we often share the most intimate thoughts and feelings with one another. We allow one another to vent. We give advice to one another. And then we stick around for the fall-out when the advice is ignored. Good girlfriends support each other and help boost each other's self esteem. We are often so close that we think of ourselves as siblings. Some siblings aren't as close as good girlfriends are.

What happens then, when a good girlfriend gets married? I've had two of my 3 good girlfriends get married. I'm not ashamed to say that the first time was rough. I had just had a breakup and all of a sudden, I didn't have her either. You know how people say, 'Dang, you look like you lost your best friend.' Well that's how I felt. It's important to note that I was super happy for my friend. I love her and her hubby.

But, I think sometimes people are afraid to acknowledge the change that happens in the friendship dynamic when such an important life event happens. It took a while (years) for us to reconnect in a way that was similar to how we used to be and during that time I grew up alot. I became alot more compassionate for other people and more sensitive to what they are going through.

In the very beginning, I thought her absence was about me...either I had done something to insult her, I had been a bad friend, or I wasn't good enough anymore. After some time, I realized that she was adjusting too. This person that enjoyed her space just as much as I do, all of a sudden had to share that with somebody else. This neat freak suddenly had wet towels on her bathroom floor. LOL And she was learning how and what it meant to be a 'wife'.

So, I put myself in her shoes and imagined how I'd feel. That opened me up tremendously. Throughout this whole time though, I never stopped calling her, or emailing her, even when she'd go months and months without replying. Truth be told, I probably stalked her. hhhahaha If she didn't live so far from me, I would've probably done drive-bys. I also spent alot of time with my other friends. Even though I missed her, I wasn't sitting at home miserable. I was always doing something fun.

Now that my second friend is married, I don't think I'll be as affected by her newly wedded transformation. I'm prepared.

So, if your friend is getting married, just know that things will probably change between you. But, change isn't always bad. And, if you feel sad sometimes, that doesn't mean that you're 'hating' on your friend. It's normal. Just keep your head up. Besides, I think it gets worse when they have kids.


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