Black and White People Make Pretty Babies

That is what he said.

We were sitting on his couch, looking through his photo album. In it, I found a series of pics of a blonde haired little boy playing with his son. He told me that blondie is his nephew.

Was that pride in his voice?

"Really? Is your sister white" I said.

"No. She's married to a German guy."

He looks white doesn't he?

I picked up the pic and looked at it closer.

He actually has 'black features. The blonde hair threw me off. Not many black people have cornsilk colored wavy locks. Even his very fair complexion doesn't take him out of the 'black' category.

So, then he commented about how cute the little boy is. I agreed.

Then, he said, 'I've always thought that Black and White people make the prettiest babies.'

I burst out laughing.

He wanted to know what was soo funny.

Surely he had to be joking.

Apparently, he was not.

So, I engaged him.

'Why do you think biracial children are so cute?'

'I know what you're going to say, it's because of the hair and skin color. But, that's not it. I think the mixture of the features is really cute.'

'Really?'

'Yeah! But, you're 'Miss Natural', so you probably won't agree.'

Before responding, I had to replay all of our interactions through my mind's eye. When we first met, he said that he didn't like natural hair on black girls. I explained to him my philosophy about black girls learning to love what they are, without alteration. He knows I'm quite passionate about it.

Eventually, when he saw my hair in its natural state, he said that he liked it...that it wasn't like an afro. Could it be because my hair product mojo was working well that day and my curls weren't frizzy like they are right now? He's also commented many times about how beautiful he thinks I am. Could it be because my nose and lips are narrower than his, the strong reddish hue in my skin or because my eyes have a subtle epicanthal fold. To him, am I just pretty for a brown girl?

I snapped back to the moment.

I told him that he's not alone in his thinking. Mainstream America thinks that a person that is just a little bit black is attractive. That 'je ne sais quoi' is African. He denied that was the case. I reminded him about the black man's obsession with Kim K (who - while Armenian, is still considered white by my company's EEOC department), J. Lo, Vida Guerra and the bevy of other non-black 'models' that have graced the cover of black men's magazines advertising their very African assets.

I'm not hating, pretty is pretty, and I know that there are alot of black men that find black women, that look like them, attractive and desirable. I was just trying to get THIS black man to think about WHY he thought a particular set of physical attributes are more desirable.

Alas, I dropped it. I've learned to pick my battles. I certainly can't get a grown man to see the world differently all in one conversation.

Then, as if to prove he's not whitewashed, he said, 'It's not like I'm caught up on white people. I actually think Asians and Blacks make really cute babies too!'

*DEAD*

holla

You Should Be Ashamed of Yourself

Back in the day, there were several actions that would garner you a 'You should be ashamed of yourself!' from your elders.

Back in the day...
"Mom, here's my report card. I got all D's and only one F."
"ONLY ONE F. There's no such thing as ONLY ONE F. Why did you get an F? You should've studied more. You should be ashamed of yourself for thinking only one F is not a disgrace to this family. Go up to your room and think about what you've done and what you intend to do to make it right."

Current day...
"Mom, here's my report card. I got all D's and only one F."
" Which teacher GAVE you an F? Is that the one that's always sending home a ton of homework for you to do each night. I don't know how she expects you to finish all that mess. She gets on my nerves with that. She's lucky I don't go to those PTA meetings, cuz I'd beat her @ss, stressin my child out like that."
...kid only half listening, because he's about to get to the next level in his PSP game.
"She got my pressure all up. Go on up to your room til dinner gets here. What do you want pizza or chinese?"

Back in the Day...
...crying...
"Mom, I have something to tell you. I'm in trouble."
Mother faints. Father while shedding a tear, says to his daughter...
"You have two options. Marry that good-for-nothing boy that did this to you OR go down to Charlotte and stay with your Aunt Lila until you're due and then give the baby to a good family to raise like their own. It breaks my heart that you've brought this kind of shame to our family. We work so hard to give you kids a good life."

Current Day...
...kinda scared...
"Mom, I'm pregnant."
"Who's the father?"
"Kevin, he's the only one it could be. I haven't been with Charles like that since the beginning of the year."
"So, what are you gonna do?"
"I want to keep it."
"What did he say about that?"
"I haven't told him yet. But, it's my body. I don't need him for this."

What happened to that good old fashioned healthy dose of shame. The more our culture mandates that everything is acceptable, the less shame we've felt about our behavior. On the one hand, the lack of shame has been helpful. Victims of violent crimes like rape and molestation shouldn't feel ashamed of what they've been through. But, I'm all for bringing back the shame for being a teen mom, being arrested, doing drugs, and being ignorant. Usually things are brought out of the darkness to enlighten others and provide a teaching point. All we've learned from taking the shame away from these acts is what kind of baby shower a 15 year old likes, how to do your time 'with honor', which drugs are considered 'cool' and that school isn't cool. We've become so used to such things that we're desensitized and we end up rationalizing the behavior, instead of trying to correct it.

Come on now, we know that's not right. We should be ashamed of ourselves.

Holla